(Untitled)

Jul 20, 2005 04:09

After the funeral, I asked Madsen and Arianna to come back to my apartment. I wasn't surprised when they didn't like the idea. I couldn't blame either of them for not wanting to be around me after everything that had happened, but I told them it was important and they agreed to stop by ( Read more... )

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enduringcharm July 24 2005, 06:04:04 UTC
"So, wait, this is like what... time travel?"

"You could call it that."

It is, but I didn't want to call it that. I would have sounded crazy if I had called it that. The looks I'm getting tell me that they pretty much think I'm out of my mind anyway. I shouldn't care what they think of me, but this time I have to. If they think I'm being irrational, they'll try to convince me that I didn't think this through.

I did. I weighed the risks and realized that I don't have anything left to lose. No matter what happens, this spell isn't going to make my life any worse, it's already as bad as it's going to get. Knowing that things are that bad motivates me, and maybe it shouldn't. All I know is that either we try this, or we accept that Sam's not coming back. I can't do the latter. Not yet.

If they don't want me to try this, I'll do it without them.

"Could we actually do this?"

"Yeah..."

I picked the tome up off of the table and flipped to the page I'd bookmarked earlier. After handing it to Jake, I turned my attention back to Arianna. She has less experience in this kind of thing than Jake,Alex and I do. I know my history with magic leaves a lot to be desired, but I do have more knowledge of it than she does.

I'm aware that it's not entirely safe, so what?

Apparently driving a car isn't entirely safe either.

"I think if we all set our minds to doing this and planned it carefully, we could."

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chaotic_slayer July 26 2005, 04:53:25 UTC
"I think if we all set our minds to doing this and planned it carefully, we could."

Oh dear God, that's the last I want to hear out of her. 'If we all set our minds to'.. oh please. That's over optimism for you, I suppose. She's taking whatever she can get, and I don't blame her at all, but that doesn't mean she actually knows what she's doing.

"I don't want to hear anything about setting our minds to it." I think I'm considerably being nice about this, considering the bloody stakes here, which I really doubt is actually entering Carly's head here.

"I want to know if we can actually do it."

I probably sound bitchier than I mean to be, but I consider it justified. "Look, I'm not the expert, I'm sure I've got no reason to say anything at all, but I know enough to at least voice a concern on what you're thinking." And if anyone, and I do mean anyone says that I don't want Sam back because of what I'm saying...

God, why did I come here?

"Personally, I don't want this done unless we're as sure as possible." I think I have say here. And if I don't, I'll gladly fight for one.

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enduringcharm July 26 2005, 05:31:57 UTC
"I don't want to hear anything about setting our minds to it."

I bet she doesn't, and I could have said something to make the idea sound...better, to her, but what's the point? Whatever I would have said, someone would have questioned me. Maybe Arianna has a problem with what I plan to do, maybe Jake does. Maybe Alex thinks I've completely lost it and Madsen wants to put me in a straight jacket. It doesn't change anything. Sam's still dead, we're still here, and this opportunity, dangerous or not, is one I'll take with or without them.

"I want to know if we can actually do it."

Am I supposed to swear on it being safe now? It's not. How about I promise her that everything will be alright? I can't, I don't know that. Arianna knows that nothing involving magic is one hundred percent guaranteed. If you want something bad enough, the hope outweighs the risk and win or lose, you know you tried. I can't not try. I won't accept Sam's death until I know I did everything I possibly could to get him back.

"Personally, I don't want this done unless we're as sure as possible."

Hearing her talk like that makes me feel like Arianna wants to back me into a corner. She knows that I can't promise her anything. Without reading over the spell, without any knowledge of time travel, as a slayer, she knows it. So I'm not sure what I'm supposed to give her here. I know I screwed up, I know she hates me.

But as much as Arianna hates me, she loves Sam more. That has to be enough for her this time.

"Arianna, we have two options. Either we take the chance on this, or we go about our lives as they are now. We learn to live without Sam."

Or maybe I'm just saying that she does. I'm not big on learning how to get past this, and I don't care if that makes me weak and irrational. I miss my boyfriend and I know I always will. If this is me condemning myself to a life of misery, then it's my fault for causing it. If I can't bring Sam back and change what I did, I want out of this town.

"I know I don't want to do that. You don't either."

Fact, not assumption. Her mind works almost the same way that mine does, but she's listening to her fears while I'm busy focusing on my hopes. We're coming from two different places, but she wants him back as much as I do.

"If you're afraid of the risks, I could do it on my own. I'd just need a few people to help me open the portal."

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chaotic_slayer July 26 2005, 05:45:41 UTC
"Arianna, we have two options. Either we take the chance on this, or we go about our lives as they are now. We learn to live without Sam."

I think if she talks like that much more, I will attempt to deck her at least once. Carly could beat me in a fight, I'm aware of that, but I'll put up a damn good one while I'm at it.

She can't just talk to me like everything's black and white in this. There's no black and white here. There's gray areas, and they're too bloody expansive for me to just let this go.

"I know I don't want to do that. You don't either."

Well, at least she knows that much.

"If you're afraid of the risks, I could do it on my own. I'd just need a few people to help me open the portal."

"It's not a matter of risk to me." I don't really care about that so much as the other end of it. "It's what could happen to him if we fowl up in some way. We could make the situation worse. And don't ask me how it could be worse, because you know it could always be worse."

It always can be worse, that's one thing I've learned in my life above all else. I'm sorry if that's cowardice or over pessimism or something, but it's the truth.

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alwayshonest July 26 2005, 06:54:48 UTC
I didn't have to bring back Carly's cell phone tonight. If I'd have called to ask if she wanted it, I'm sure she would have told me it could wait until tomorrow. I guess I figure she has enough on her mind. The past few days she hasn't let herself focus on anything other than the funeral. Now that it's over, she doesn't have anything to think about other than Sam.

I took the stairs up to Carly's floor. She'd mentioned something about needing to meet with the others after the service, but the only car I recognized when I parked belonged to Jake. He and Alex have been watching out for Carly. I've offered to spend time with her several times; she never takes me up on it.

Carly insists that I'm busy with school work and won't listen when I try to tell her otherwise. It's a letdown since Mom always insisted that what little decent family we have is supposed to pull together we when need each other, but I get why she wants the distance too. She wants to be hard on yourself.

I took out my keys and found the one to Carly's apartment. Originally it was meant to be used for emergencies, then I started using it whenever I stopped by. She didn't mind and neither did Sam, but when they got back together officially I knew not to barge in on them.

Turning the key in the lock, I pushed the door open to find Carly, Alex, Jake, Madsen, and Arianna gathered around.

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt."

I should have knocked. Seeing how upset Arianna is, I know I should have. I'm surprised she's talking to Carly at all.

"Carly, I wanted to leave off your cell phone."

I held it up to show them before setting the phone down on an end table. If I could have turned and ran out, I think I would have. Whatever it was they were all discussing, I couldnt they weren't agreeing about it. There were plenty of uncomfortable glances to go around.

"I'll uh...talk to you guys later."

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chaotic_slayer July 27 2005, 04:51:03 UTC
Door's opening.

More backup for Carly, I'd imagine. She's already got Jake and Alex here, but of course, Carly's got to be absolutely sure she's unbeatable otherwise it just isn't worth trying, now is it? No matter what's at stake. God, the more I think about what could happen, the more I just want to hit her.

And suddenly, I feel just a little bit calmer. Alright, we'll call that odd. Excessively Cute Study Boy is here, but it doesn't look like he's among Carly's backup or whatever. In fact, he looks a little scared of getting too close to all of it.

Honestly, I don't blame him. He should get out while he still has time.

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt."

This is a bad time for eye candy, no matter how cute you are. Please leave while you still have the chance. I'm very upset, and liable to lash out, and I really don't want to hit you.

"Carly, I wanted to leave off your cell phone."

Out out out out...

... Wait. No. This might be a good thing. He's Mr. Joe College. Maybe he can talk some sanity into his utterly stupid aunt who I desperately want to kill since she seems bent on causing more damage than she already has.

"I'll uh...talk to you guys later."

"Wait." I went after him before he could shut the door. "Hang on."

Alright, how do I word this. I want to word it so he'll agree with me, talk Carly out of this bloody stupid thing, and make her find something that has less risk to Sam involved.

Only, I'm crap at this, and too pissed to think of how to word it correctly, and what little parts of me that aern't upset right now are trying to think about how I could potentially win a fight and beat the living daylights out of Carly. So I don't know how to do this. Damn it.

"Look, I know you're not into anything... supernaturally speaking... but this is more normal as far as that sort of thing goes..." Oh God, what am I talking about?!

"I need you to tell your Aunt she's absolutely insane." Honesty seems to work here. "She wants to try a time traveling spell to keep my brother from killing himself, and if she screws it up and makes things worse, I can't really be held responsible for what I'll attempt to do."

Possibly too much honesty on some level.

"So I'd be appreciative if you could talk some sense into her before you left, please." I tried my best to seem nice, but I don't think it came across that way. I just wish I could think straight right now.

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enduringcharm July 27 2005, 07:02:22 UTC
"I'll uh...talk to you guys later."

"Thanks."

In any normal situation I would ask Dan if he wanted to join us, but this isn't a social thing. I like keep Dan away from the slayerly parts of my life, and that includes discussions on whether or not we should try to bring Sam back from the dead. He doesn't need to be involved, so he won't be. I'll call him in the morning and apologize for being rude, but he shouldn't be around for this.

"Wait. Hang on."

Shit. She was not supposed to do that. I had my reasons for not asking him to be involved in this, and they're personal. It might seem to Arianna that being as close as we were means that she understands how I work, but if she's telling him to do this, she doesn't. Or maybe she just can't care anymore.

Dan has been through a lot for someone his age. The one thing that I never wanted him to do, was be anything more than aware. I'm a slayer, Arianna is one too, Sam was a pyrokenetic. He knew about it, and was warned about the kind of 'things' that are out there, but I never wanted this to touch him.

I wanted to protect him from things like this.

Now she's going to tell him. And if I say a word I'm only going to make it worse, because no matter what I say, Arianna is going to give him her side of it and try to put an end to this.

Sighing, I crossed my arms and waited for her to finish with him. She's going to make this sound like I'm being illogical, but I've researched it. I know better.

Thank you Arianna for trying to turn my own family against me.

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alwayshonest July 27 2005, 07:42:57 UTC
"Wait. Hang on."

I'm going to get myself into trouble if I don't leave, and yet I'm not very concerned about that while she's looking at me like this. I haven't tried to sit down and determine who would be more affected by Sam's death. Carly and Arianna are feeling it the most, Carly's trying to isolate herself from her friends like I was afraid she would. Arianna is...stuck.

She lost her brother over something she couldn't control. I remember that feeling, it was more than I could handle alone.

If Arianna needs me in the middle of their...talk, I can try. I won't be any help though.

I stopped, turned around, and walked back over to her. I know I'll probably regret it later, but I'm worried about her at the moment. I'd like to see if there's anything I can do for her.

"Look, I know you're not into anything... supernaturally speaking... but this is more normal as far as that sort of thing goes...I need you to tell your Aunt she's absolutely insane. She wants to try a time traveling spell to keep my brother from killing himself, and if she screws it up and makes things worse, I can't really be held responsible for what I'll attempt to do."

What Arianna is saying, if I understand it correctly, would make her right about the fact that Carly's lost it.

Time travel?

I've learned that there's a lot more to the world than what you hear about on the news. People ignore what they don't want to know. Usually that means when I turn on my tv in the morning a vampire attack is being investigated as a cult sacrifice...but time travel?

"So I'd be appreciative if you could talk some sense into her before you left, please."

"Arianna...."

I can't tell Carly what to do; she won't listen no matter what I say. And who knows, maybe she's found a way to travel time that isn't as dangerous as it sounds. It's unlikely, but I try to give her the benefit of the doubt. That's kinda my job now. Someone has to have a little faith in her.

"I don't know enough about what's going on to try to go in there now and tell Carly what to do, but I'll give her my opinion, alright?"

I walked back in with Arianna and closed the door behind us. Carly's expression alone made me want to bail on the whole thing. I don't entirely agree with her if she's trying to pull this off, but I'd never be against her.

"Arianna told me what's going on. I don't understand how time travel works, I'd assume there are plenty of risks involved in it."

That was a valid assumption. The way I've heard it, everything involving spells and potions has a risk factor to it.

"All I have to say is; you shouldn't do this if Arianna doesn't want you to. Sam was her brother, she should make the decision of whether or not to try and change what happened to him. As her friends, you owe her that."

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chaotic_slayer July 27 2005, 16:52:46 UTC
"Arianna...."

"Please."

Come on, don't say no. I need your help here, not you to be Carly's nephew and just agree with her because of that. And yes, I'm aware of how this is vaugely unfair, but I consider the entire situation unfair.

"I don't know enough about what's going on to try to go in there now and tell Carly what to do, but I'll give her my opinion, alright?"

Maybe I can actually count on him after all. That's really good to know, that he's not just eye candy and he's actually rational and not idiotic like Carly is.

"Thank you." I nodded, following him back to the rest. I tried to make Madsen stop looking at me like that without actually saying anything, but it didn't work. And now he's rolling his eyes at me. What, for the love of all that's decent and not irritating, is the problem? Someone has to stop this, I was hoping Dan could help. And I was right. Clearly that's a point in my favor, and an omen that Carly shouldn't do this.

"Arianna told me what's going on. I don't understand how time travel works, I'd assume there are plenty of risks involved in it."

Exactly.

"All I have to say is; you shouldn't do this if Arianna doesn't want you to. Sam was her brother, she should make the decision of whether or not to try and change what happened to him. As her friends, you owe her that."

"Thanks Dan." I said quietly, waiting for Carly's little retaliation. I know she's not going to say anything to him, if anything it'll be to me or the group or whatever.

I won't do this unless we're as sure as possible. I'm not going to risk something else happening to my brother, it's selfish and completely stupid.

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solidloyalty July 28 2005, 03:02:26 UTC
I'd been pretty quiet since we got back from the funeral. Hell, I'd been quiet before and during the funeral, too. What was there to say? Alex had the comforting angle covered, though Carly didn't seem to appreciate it much. She was busy beating herself up over what happened. I can understand why she feels the way she does, but that's not going to help anyone. It won't make her feel better about Sam's death, and it won't bring Sam back.

Except now she thinks she can bring Sam back.

I can't keep my mouth shut anymore.

"Carly..."

I realized I was probably the last one anyone wanted to hear from. Sam and I weren't exactly friends. That didn't mean I was happy about his death, but I was afraid anything I said might be taken the wrong way. I didn't want anyone to think I was saying these things out of ill will... but they had to be said. Beyond the ethics of the situation, someone had to come out and be straight about this. Plain and simple, what Carly was talking about was dangerous.

"You have to stop and think about this. Do you have any idea how dangerous that would be? Really? Magic is something that needs to be handled delicately in the first place. Time travel... we can't be messing with that. We're talking about altering the very fabric of time and space here. If we managed to go back, even the smallest change could impact the future in ways we can't even comprehend. So we might get Sam back... but any number of things could happen, and they wouldn't necessarily be good."

I sighed. Carly didn't want to hear this. That didn't matter. It had to be said. We were all thinking that this was dangerous, but it had to be said out loud.

"Besides. Even if it weren't dangerous, we don't have anyone with the kind of power it would take to pull off something that huge."

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enduringcharm July 28 2005, 08:15:03 UTC
"All I have to say is; you shouldn't do this if Arianna doesn't want you to. Sam was her brother, she should make the decision of whether or not to try and change what happened to him. As her friends, you owe her that."

"Thanks Dan."

"Carly...You have to stop and think about this. Do you have any idea how dangerous that would be? Really? Magic is something that needs to be handled delicately in the first place. Time travel... we can't be messing with that. We're talking about altering the very fabric of time and space here. If we managed to go back, even the smallest change could impact the future in ways we can't even comprehend. So we might get Sam back... but any number of things could happen, and they wouldn't necessarily be good."

"Besides. Even if it weren't dangerous, we don't have anyone with the kind of power it would take to pull off something that huge."

I sat down on the couch while I tried to think through everything that they'd said. Three people against you at once is a lot to handle, and the two who aren't talking probably aren't on my side. I'm sure they're not. If anyone in this room besides me had any hope for this spell, they'd have said it by now.

I know that Arianna has every right to tell me not to do this, Dan's right about that much. The problem with them is, they're both wrong to be so focused on the risks. So is Jake, but I guess I knew he would be. That's his job.

I don't think he believes that we're not powerful enough to do it. He knows that we are. Two slayers; one with healing power, an avatar, and a warlock... if that's not enough power, what is it supposed to take?

Jake doesn't want to do this because of the risk we'd be taking if we could open the portal and travel time. At worst we could get lost, killed, who knows what else. I could come back balancing my head on my feet if it really got screwy. I'm not concerned with any of that, so he has to be.

But if we're careful and we do pull this off, everything would be okay again.

"That isn't true. I think we all know that there's more than enough power in this room to pull it off."

I'm not mad at him. It hurts a little, that's all. I always thought I'd have Jake in my corner when I needed him.

"What we don't have is faith. That book is one of the few things from my father's study that I bothered to keep. At the time I didn't know why I wanted it so much. I didn't read it; just locked it away and forgot about it."

I never had any interest in magic until I became a slayer. Even then, I was more interested in ass kicking than anything else. I saved spells for the people who knew what they were doing, and surprisingly, I learned a few things along the way.

"I think I have it for a reason." Yeah, no one buys that but me. I still think its too strange to be a coincidence.

"I could have done this on my own without telling anyone, but I didn't. I wanted to make sure that everything was done correctly. Those risks that you're all so worried about are less likely to happen if we all watch out for each other and follow the spell exactly."

I don't care if Dan thinks I should have Arianna's permission. She's scared and it's holding us back from doing something that could put everything back the way it should be. I want her to change her mind, but if she doesn't...

I'll keep trying before I do something that she'll hate me for.

Part of me is saying that if I attempted the spell without them, they would never have to know...

"Nothing in life is completely safe, but if we do everything carefully, and then go about our lives exactly the way they were with the exception of the fight, it'll be okay."

I hope.

"You don't have to trust me. You just have to believe that it wasn't his time."

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seriously__dude July 28 2005, 16:29:09 UTC
"You don't have to trust me. You just have to believe that it wasn't his time."

"Of course it wasn't his time, you--"

"Arianna." I stopped her before she could go after Carly. "Chill, huh?" She's kinda done enough here dude. "It's cool." Okay, it's kinda not dude, but...

"No it's not, do you comprehend what she's trying to do?"

"Yeah." Okay, I'm about to take The Snowflake's side in all this shit. This is the second time I've felt bad for her, totally weird. "I get it. It's dangerous shit. It could get really bad. People could get hurt." I totally get that.

"But, me aside since I'm the only normal dude, she is right, know what I mean? We probably do have enough power around here to get it done. Yeah, it's dangerous, but what if we did it?"

Dude, everyone needs to stop looking at me like that. "I know I've totally got no clue on the deal here, as far as magic and shit like that. I tend to leave that up to you guys, for the totally obvious reasons. But from what I'm hearing, it's worth trying it out."

I looked over at Arianna. "I know you're scared, but I know you're totally not into the idea of just leaving Sammy where he is. And I'm not either." Can't tell if she's gonna hit me too now, but I figure I started it dude, might as well finish it.

"And if it doesn't work, when we get back? You can totally have at Carly and try and kill her. I so totally won't stop you." I won't dude. Messing this sort of shit up is totally unforgiveable.

"So as far as the spell thing, I say we do it."

Okay, is it really that weird for me to be agreeing with Carly? I mean dude, seriously! I'm totally getting looked at like I got six heads going on over here!

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enduringcharm July 28 2005, 20:15:13 UTC
"So as far as the spell thing, I say we do it."

...what?

I know I shouldn't be surprised because he's Sam's best friend and he wants him back as much as...no. I'm allowed to be surprised because it's Madsen. The one person who has never once agreed with me in all of the time we've known each other.

I figured maybe I'd get Alex to back me up, or...I'd keep fighting them, I don't know. I didn't think about it very much. I was more worried about the spell than I was about what everyone's opinions would be.

I didn't think Madsen would keep Arianna back like this. He's helping me.

Does he realize that?

He can't possibly.

"Sam would do it for any of you."

Eventually.

I'd have to talk him into it the same way I'm doing right now, but I think he would agree to accept the dangerous parts and go for it. I always thought I was good at convincing him to see things my way. I should't have done that so much. But if this situation was turned around and Sam was here with me, he'd do it. He'd be skeptical, and at first he wouldn't like it, but he would do it.

Arianna should think about that before she starts telling me how crazy I am. Maybe this isn't what Sam would want, but it is something he wouldn't stay out of.

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chaotic_slayer July 29 2005, 23:41:51 UTC
Excuse me? Since when does Madsen hold me back from doing any damage to Carly, of all people?

Does he have any idea what he's saying here?

I think I'm going to strangle him, and then kill her. That should work just fine for me.

"I know you're scared, but I know you're totally not into the idea of just leaving Sammy where he is. And I'm not either."

Alright, I'm not, but--

"And if it doesn't work, when we get back? You can totally have at Carly and try and kill her. I so totally won't stop you."

Like he could if I didn't want him to. Honestly. But I suppose everyone would let me have a good shot, including Carly maybe, if this didn't work. If anything worse happens, it'll be just inexcusable, and I think everyone knows it. If they don't, at least I do.

"So as far as the spell thing, I say we do it."

I can't believe he's actually on her side in all this. He's not stoned, I at least know that much. And I'm fairly sure he's sober. So this makes it all the more insane. And I hate it.

"Sam would do it for any of you."

I could see him doing it, actually. My brother is a big fan of balking a lot, but always doing the noble thing. However insane. As long as he thinks it's right, he'll do what has to be done.

That's just Sam.

Oh God, I'm going to do this, aern't I.

I looked back to Carly finally, trying to figure out how to properly word this so she knows I'm still not alright with it. I don't think I should be expected to be, even if I am going along with it. "You have my help. This better work."

I think that does the job just fine.

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protectorofnone August 6 2005, 21:50:52 UTC
"You have my help. This better work."

"... I'm in, too." I haven't said anything since Jake and I walked through the door, but that doesn't mean I haven't been listening hard. There was nothing for me to say. Everyone else had already said it for me. Jake had already pointed out how dangerous this could be, which I agreed with. We're not just talking heavy-duty magic, but we're talking about altering the very fabric of time and space. Carly had pointed out that Sam would be willing to try this for any one of us, no matter the risk. I agreed with that too.

We owed this to him, as his friends. For some of us, as his family.

"We have the power to do it. Maybe even more than enough. With the power we have in this room, it has to go right. We just need to be really careful. Make sure we follow everything to the letter. ... I don't think this is something any of us wants to take chances on." If we mess this up, there's no telling what will happen.

All we know is that we want Sam back. We might not be able to guarantee that, but we can try. We need to try.

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solidloyalty August 6 2005, 22:57:33 UTC
I was seriously outnumbered now.

I'd be fooling myself if I thought I could stop Carly from going ahead with something like this anyway. Even if we didn't help her, she would do it on her own. She'd said so herself. I wasn't exactly opposed to the idea to begin with... I just didn't think any of us should be going into something like this without fully understanding just how dangerous this was. To Sam, to all of us, to God only knows who else. This could effect a lot of things we haven't even taken into account.

Whether or not I agree, it's going to get done anyway. I'll do it. I understand that they all want to try this for Sam. That means it's my job to make sure it goes off as smoothly as possible. It's my job to make sure things get done right, and my job to make sure noone else gets hurt.

"... so when did you want to do this?"

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