(no subject)
these couple of days have been weird yet thts not the world, cause its been ok on the surface, yet beneath it all both me and another certain individual have watch our relationship degenerate, weaken. Perhaps it was my doing.. my lack of... well... I don't even know wht to say. My thoughts right now are distorted. I don't want to think. I don't want to talk. I just wanna sit, and watch everything unfold before my eyes. Watch the night turn to day and just sit and stare into space. Watch things go by, and sit and stare. yet i kno tht won't help ne thing, but i dont kno wht to do. i feel i've lost. lost everything . its like ... i dont kno.. i cant think right now. i dont wanna think, my thoughts are just those of....*sigh*. sit and stare. cry. let my eyes fill with tears, be it caused by the sudden irritation of starring , or by sadness.
it happens to the best of us.... the best of us argue, yet only some make it through it all... i cried until there was no tear left. now it feels lik im dieing inside, yet even the impluse to let those tears come out, hurts. my eyes hurt. its too familiar. everything. i'm left with nothing, and its all because of my doings. i'm fallin again, yet this time... i really dont kno wht to do. dont kno wht to write. i just feel lik writing, be it tht i have been stuck in my room for the longest. starring at the ceiling.. crying. no im not depressed. i think if i hit tht stage once more in my life.. i'll seek help..
i'm not depressed, more like...calm... the sort of calm u get right before and after a storm. this is like the eye of the hurricane. misleading. the calmness i feel. i'm calm, aware of the situation, yet all i do is sit and stare. remember the times. when i felt so happy. and stare.......wanting them back, yet they are out of my reach.
everything seems so confusing to me. i've never felt this way before. alot of peopple will tell me otherwise, yet i kno this time its dif. this time it hurts me. this time...... i won't take off the ring...this time i wont beg, yet i'll stay here wanting, this time i wont cry (though i have), i'll smile and pretend things are ok, this time i wont express anything, i'll sit in silence, this time....will b different. this time, i wont let go.
this too will pass. no matter how heartbroken i feel right now, how lost i am,this too will pass. time does have a way of healing everything. and i only hope its wht i want it to be yet, you're different too.. no one can decide ne thing for you (one thing i love about you), so i can;t force or influence ur decisions in anyway, i have to let u decide, and i'll wait. I only hope wht u decide, will make you happy. and perhaps be the one I WANT you to decide.
p-s
I asked you to forget me, yet if you only knew how much i dont want you to. I beg of you to grasp my memory and hold it, hold on to me and never let me die. Forgettin me, is the last thing i want you to do. How i only wish i was in ur arms again, how i wish u were here with me right now.... tht feeling... *sigh*..tht feeling.... I am left motionless starring into blankness.. im aware there are things infront of me, yet i see pass them any my sight hits the wall. I have no words to say, dont kno wht to do, yet i love you so much, and if only u know the feeling i get just seeing ur face, having u by my side. Your always on my mind, The first thing i think about in the morning, last when i lay down to sleep. I myself have no words to utter or to beg of you to decide wht i want you to decide. i cant tell u things will be better cause i myself dont wanna mislead you, but i cud tell you tht you wont find someone in this world who loves you more than i do, tht i try my hardest to make u feel special, tried my hardest to be someone special in urlife, and to some extent i've succeeded, yet i caused u pain throughout the process, u've reach a point of "tiredness", u said it urself, perhaps of me, and this was all my doing. thts wht causes paing. I am only left with myself and tht something tht meant the world from me i've seen it fall apart right infront of my eyes. my vision is blurred now, wht i thought could seem impossible, when i thought i had no tears left and tht crying wouldnt be accomplished cause of the pain in my eyes from crying too much already, has been accomplished. in the end i guess i'll only have myself. though perhaps i'll never let ur figure go.
it happens to the best of us.... the best of us argue, yet only some make it through it all... i cried until there was no tear left. now it feels lik im dieing inside, yet even the impluse to let those tears come out, hurts. my eyes hurt. its too familiar. everything. i'm left with nothing, and its all because of my doings. i'm fallin again, yet this time... i really dont kno wht to do. dont kno wht to write. i just feel lik writing, be it tht i have been stuck in my room for the longest. starring at the ceiling.. crying. no im not depressed. i think if i hit tht stage once more in my life.. i'll seek help..
i'm not depressed, more like...calm... the sort of calm u get right before and after a storm. this is like the eye of the hurricane. misleading. the calmness i feel. i'm calm, aware of the situation, yet all i do is sit and stare. remember the times. when i felt so happy. and stare.......wanting them back, yet they are out of my reach.
everything seems so confusing to me. i've never felt this way before. alot of peopple will tell me otherwise, yet i kno this time its dif. this time it hurts me. this time...... i won't take off the ring...this time i wont beg, yet i'll stay here wanting, this time i wont cry (though i have), i'll smile and pretend things are ok, this time i wont express anything, i'll sit in silence, this time....will b different. this time, i wont let go.
this too will pass. no matter how heartbroken i feel right now, how lost i am,this too will pass. time does have a way of healing everything. and i only hope its wht i want it to be yet, you're different too.. no one can decide ne thing for you (one thing i love about you), so i can;t force or influence ur decisions in anyway, i have to let u decide, and i'll wait. I only hope wht u decide, will make you happy. and perhaps be the one I WANT you to decide.
p-s
I asked you to forget me, yet if you only knew how much i dont want you to. I beg of you to grasp my memory and hold it, hold on to me and never let me die. Forgettin me, is the last thing i want you to do. How i only wish i was in ur arms again, how i wish u were here with me right now.... tht feeling... *sigh*..tht feeling.... I am left motionless starring into blankness.. im aware there are things infront of me, yet i see pass them any my sight hits the wall. I have no words to say, dont kno wht to do, yet i love you so much, and if only u know the feeling i get just seeing ur face, having u by my side. Your always on my mind, The first thing i think about in the morning, last when i lay down to sleep. I myself have no words to utter or to beg of you to decide wht i want you to decide. i cant tell u things will be better cause i myself dont wanna mislead you, but i cud tell you tht you wont find someone in this world who loves you more than i do, tht i try my hardest to make u feel special, tried my hardest to be someone special in urlife, and to some extent i've succeeded, yet i caused u pain throughout the process, u've reach a point of "tiredness", u said it urself, perhaps of me, and this was all my doing. thts wht causes paing. I am only left with myself and tht something tht meant the world from me i've seen it fall apart right infront of my eyes. my vision is blurred now, wht i thought could seem impossible, when i thought i had no tears left and tht crying wouldnt be accomplished cause of the pain in my eyes from crying too much already, has been accomplished. in the end i guess i'll only have myself. though perhaps i'll never let ur figure go.