top 5 meme -- part one
Top Five Shipwars Everyone Else Cares About And I Just Don’t -- for miss_mishi
Mish gave me this knowing that I am usually not a shipper at all, so the things that get shippers worked up usually have little to no effect on me. AHOY!
5. Whatever The Hell is Going Down On House
House gets an honourable mention here at last place, because even though I don’t watch the damn show I see arguments every other day over House/Cuddy versus House/Wilson versus House/Cameron versus House/Vicodin. My biggest investment in any of these ships is that I like to play “spot the subtext that makes House/Wilson shippers flail” for the rare, few instances I tolerate House long enough to see an episode.
4. Leonard/Penny vs Sheldon/Penny -- The Big Bang Theory
I’m not sure if this counts as a war or not, because I’m not entirely sure if anyone ships Leonard/Penny except for miss_mishi and anythingbutgrey. Sorry guys. Having said that, I’ve seen both seasons of Big Bang Theory and both of these ships leave me totally cold - though, I guess, Leonard/Penny makes me a little more hypothermic with sheer Boredom, whereas Sheldon/Penny is just illogical. The idea of wanting to see Sheldon to get it on with anyone besides Leslie Winkle totally confuses me and I don’t like Penny much, but every time Leonard/Penny occurs I want to yawn. So they both succeed in making me totally bored, and the ship war itself makes me even more bored.
And I’m kidding, please do not send me Leslie/Sheldon smut.
3. Jack/Gwen vs Jack/Ianto -- Torchwood
My exposure to Torchwood fandom was brief and traumatic, but from what I understand, in the beginning there was Gwen/Jack shippers and there was Jack/Ianto shippers, and then there was this giant kerfuffle and Gwen became the series scapegoat (probably exacerbated by the way she was kind of irritating beyond all reason in s1 and s2) and a Great Divide formed, or something.
I will be the first to admit that I don’t like Jack/Gwen and every time they tried to make Jack/Gwen happen, a part of my soul died. But on the flipside there’s Jack/Ianto, and no matter how many times I stand on my head and squint I JUST DON’T GET IT. I’m sorry, I don’t. I ship it inasmuch as I recognize it as canon, but I have never and probably will never understand how they went from “Hey I have my cybergirlfriend in the basement” to “hey I’ve got a stopwatch let’s use it for sex somehow”.
So in sum, both of these make me facepalm just as hard.
2. Edward/Bella vs Jacob/Bella -- Twilight
It was obvious from the back cover of the first book that Edward/Bella was endgame, and I don’t really know how anyone could’ve thought otherwise. On the other hand, I recognize that Smeyer did confusing things like compare her OTP to drugs while comparing the notP to air or sunlight or nature or whatever, so I can see where maybe signals got a little mixed. I was around for the crazy pre-Breaking Dawn days of Twilight fandom and I got to see first-hand the batshittery of shipwarrring go down in this fandom for the first and only time. It was glorious. Accusations of rape versus accusations of stalking and abuse! FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY! The Love Triangle is basically the only continuous plot Stephenie Meyer has in her entire few-thousand-page series, and I still didn’t care.
In short, SCREW JACOB/BELLA, SCREW EDWARD/BELLA, I SHIP BELLA/MIKE NEWTON.
And lastly, you all knew this was coming, as if I could withhold the #1 spot from anyone else …
1. Harry/Hermione vs One Big Happy Weasley Family (Ron/Hermione & Harry/Ginny) -- Harry Potter
I think this will possibly go down in history books as the Ship War To End All Ship Wars. Names were called! Delusions were had! Flounces were flounced! Epilogues were disregarded! Butts continued to hurt after two years!
And somehow, in all my years in HP fandom, I never once dealt with this wank, nor did I give a shit about it. I saw OBHWF coming from a few books away - I remember when someone spammed everyone at UR with a “spoiler” email the day HBP came out, and I saw “H/G, R/HR” in the subject line and I was like “wtf that’s not a spoiler, that’s obvious” - but I never cared. I probably would’ve been just as happy (or rather, just as neutral) if the books had been Harry/Hermione. The fact that this issue is STILL a hot topic with just about anyone on either side of the fence, even now, two years after DH was published and however many years after HBP made the ships blatant, is a testament to JKR’s mastery of punking us all. Or punking the Harmonians. Or… something.
Basically this is the ship war other ship wars wish they were. …And I had no part or emotional investment in it at all. WHAT WHAT.
Top Five Saddest Moments in Doctor Who History -- for wild_sibyl
5. Love And Monsters
Everything about that episode is sad.
And not in a good way.
Alternatively, the bit in LOTL where the Master is all, "UM SORRY I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN HANG OUT WITH YOU". Poor sobbing Ten, no one wants to make friendship bracelets with him even when he doesn't look like Dobby.
4. That Angsty End Bit From Runaway Bride
“That friend of yours. What was her name?”
“Her name was Rose.”
Okay I am a big sappy shipper, I know. BUT THIS MAKES ME SAD EVERY TIME. He looks like someone killed his puppy. Or possibly like he is the puppy being killed. D:
3. Father’s Day
I don’t know what it is about this episode, but I can only dimly recall seeing it the first time, probably thinking something like “well that was depressing” and then merrily moving along. Once I got into fandom and everyone started to talk about how upsetting it was I decided to do a rewatch, and the second time I was like OMG D:
So its place at #3 is kind of dubious. Because apparently I am cold-hearted and did not notice it was sad the first time? I don’t even remember. But the second time I was definitely misty-eyed. Also, probably hormonal. But misty-eyed.
2. The Entire Last Segment of Doomsday
DOOMSDAY. OMG. Okay, so I am probably the only shipper who did not and has never cried while watching this episode, but despite my heart of stone it still makes me sad inside. I’m not sure whether the wall scene or the beach scene is worse, but I think having Rose flip out on one side while the Doctor just kind of goes “……..!” on the other is a hugely effective choice. I made katebert watch this with me and even having only seen a handful of episodes, she was sad. Mission accomplished, RTD.
1. The Rueful Fate of Donna Noble (Journey’s End)
“Don’t mind me. Donna.”
“John Smith.”
…D:
Donna’s ending is, I think, easily the most tragic though I’m convinced she’ll be fixed before RTD & co are gone, and the whole ending bit of Journey’s End makes me SO SAD because of her. This bit and the bit where she’s like “yeah, see ya”? OMG, I can’t even. My words are useless, allow me to quote Michael Scott:
It feels like somebody took my heart and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears... and at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer, and then a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone... and I'm crying, and nobody can hear me, because I'm terribly, terribly... terribly alone.
There are still two more, but that took a LONG TIME so stay tuned tomorrow for my top 5 "things the Doctor did to mess with Torchwood" and "moments Rose Tyler was a BAMF".