Mar 15, 2010 21:04
I do take some solace in the fact that there are some delightful oddballs out there, people as crazy as me. I visited one of them at the weekend. Ebony's great. A total fruitloop, unlike anyone else I've met, inappropriate, not content with mundanity. And she still has a ball in life. I guess there's hope for me then. Plus it also means I can stop feeling so lonely. Not many people think the way I do, but knowing that there's at least some scattered about the country gives me one helluva boost. Makes it all seem a little less cold.
In other news, ideas are clotting, shifting and splurting out in the chaos of NaNoWriMo. I'm past the 10,000 mark, but I will have to go like the frickin' clappers to hit my intended target of 75,000 by midnight 31st. The ghost of a plot is taking shape, but I'm going to have to seriously work on my pace, 3rd person narrative style and my main character, who's about as exciting as a dead cow's slapped arse. I need a cattle prod of some kind...
Bloom still hangs about around my neck. I want to fling it to the Beeb and see what they think of it, but I'm still uncertain as to how to format a monologue. Wish me luck.
Oh, and I'm off to the doctors tomorrow to see if I can get my mind functioning again with a professional who knows how these things work. God willing life'll seem a little less dead. It's all been a bit too hard the last few months. In the past I've sympathised with self-harmers, knowing the feeling of the urge for a bit of self-destruction. Now I can say that I too have put that feeling into practice. It was nothing too bad or too deep. But I was aware that I crossed a boundary. This shouldn't be me. I was once a lot happier, a lot smoother and a helluva lot less lonely. But the chats I had up in Edinburgh with Ebony made me feel like I wasn't alone in suffering this, and I know some chats with my other friends have also reassured me that sometimes people feel this. Hell even one of my favorite authors recently came out as having depression. In that respect I don't think I'll ever be alone. I kinda know I'm not. But thought and feeling sometimes don't necessarily connect. Roll on the therapy. My eyes are aching from squinting through this darkness.
Sorry for the mehness; just feeling slightly detached right now. See ya on the other side, travellers. :-)