not so funny.
Alright. Since noone really reads this anymore, i believe this will be an excellent means of releasing some stress held in my heart.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sick of shit right now. FUCK. Im pissed about everything right now. I got dumped in November, i quit my job in December, and i havnt been able to even get closed to reversing either of those gosh darn things. Yeah i got dump, in every since of the word. This girl who use to leave me notes and would cry to me unless i believed with her that we would last forever turned a 180 and kicked my ass to the curb. Could I have done things better, of course i could have, i could have not called her a slut in a crowded hospital, i could of just went to her birthday dinner, i probably shouldnt of spent so much time on my knees with my fingers interlocked, begging for her to reconsider with tears rolling down these pathetic cheeks. I understand i took her for granted and just believed she would be there for whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. If i wanted to talk she would listen, if she wanted to talk, Fuck it, i was too busy with; football, scrubs, sopranos, ANYTHING. Honestly, i didnt know how much of my life revolved around this relationship and never did i ever think that if we broke, i would take it this hard. jesus christ, i didnt want to work i didnt give a shit about the olf folks i didnt give a shit about young folks i didnt give a shit. The only lights at the end of my tunnels were quickly sealed up, one after another. i was a depressed kid, not depressed enough to paint the ceiling red but depressed enough to just pause my life.
AND THEN i just quit, i couldnt get through a work day without crying, i couldnt sit for 2 hours at a time just waiting for my phone to blink as if someone out there kind of cared how i was taking the break up. the only solace i could take was that it was hard on her as well. but i see pictures where i dont want to see pictures i hear stories where i dont want to hear them about how she has her fun and parties and i just sit and wonder how the fuck i fucked up so bad. So when the bosses brought me into the office i told them i am done being a nurse. at the time i had been working 3-11 as a cna and 12 till like 8 learning to be an electrician. I said fuck it, obviously, i said it alot.
Well here I am, half a year since the break up, feeling as though, yes i am over her, something i never ever wanted to be even if we wernt dating. she is a good girl and if i had another shot to start again and be a new guy i swear i wouldnt fuck it up again. But with careful consideration, i mean i would have to really fucking think about it. While i know i am over the girl, im not over the situation. I miss it so mush regardless of who is on the otherside of my text messages, or my phone calls. I miss the hand games thaty lovers play to test the boundries. i miss having someone explain to other people that i am angry. i miss the small things, i miss the admiration and pride i would feel flowing out of a girls eyes into mine.
Next Month my band is going to go on tour. we are planning on playing in marshalltown, milwaukee, N. chicago, S. Chicago, Des moines. And im hoping that as i watch the roads appear and disapear in mirrors and windows, as i see skyscrapers and fields, i hope that i will be able to call my someone and explain the details. goodnight.
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sick of shit right now. FUCK. Im pissed about everything right now. I got dumped in November, i quit my job in December, and i havnt been able to even get closed to reversing either of those gosh darn things. Yeah i got dump, in every since of the word. This girl who use to leave me notes and would cry to me unless i believed with her that we would last forever turned a 180 and kicked my ass to the curb. Could I have done things better, of course i could have, i could have not called her a slut in a crowded hospital, i could of just went to her birthday dinner, i probably shouldnt of spent so much time on my knees with my fingers interlocked, begging for her to reconsider with tears rolling down these pathetic cheeks. I understand i took her for granted and just believed she would be there for whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. If i wanted to talk she would listen, if she wanted to talk, Fuck it, i was too busy with; football, scrubs, sopranos, ANYTHING. Honestly, i didnt know how much of my life revolved around this relationship and never did i ever think that if we broke, i would take it this hard. jesus christ, i didnt want to work i didnt give a shit about the olf folks i didnt give a shit about young folks i didnt give a shit. The only lights at the end of my tunnels were quickly sealed up, one after another. i was a depressed kid, not depressed enough to paint the ceiling red but depressed enough to just pause my life.
AND THEN i just quit, i couldnt get through a work day without crying, i couldnt sit for 2 hours at a time just waiting for my phone to blink as if someone out there kind of cared how i was taking the break up. the only solace i could take was that it was hard on her as well. but i see pictures where i dont want to see pictures i hear stories where i dont want to hear them about how she has her fun and parties and i just sit and wonder how the fuck i fucked up so bad. So when the bosses brought me into the office i told them i am done being a nurse. at the time i had been working 3-11 as a cna and 12 till like 8 learning to be an electrician. I said fuck it, obviously, i said it alot.
Well here I am, half a year since the break up, feeling as though, yes i am over her, something i never ever wanted to be even if we wernt dating. she is a good girl and if i had another shot to start again and be a new guy i swear i wouldnt fuck it up again. But with careful consideration, i mean i would have to really fucking think about it. While i know i am over the girl, im not over the situation. I miss it so mush regardless of who is on the otherside of my text messages, or my phone calls. I miss the hand games thaty lovers play to test the boundries. i miss having someone explain to other people that i am angry. i miss the small things, i miss the admiration and pride i would feel flowing out of a girls eyes into mine.
Next Month my band is going to go on tour. we are planning on playing in marshalltown, milwaukee, N. chicago, S. Chicago, Des moines. And im hoping that as i watch the roads appear and disapear in mirrors and windows, as i see skyscrapers and fields, i hope that i will be able to call my someone and explain the details. goodnight.