(no subject)
Sam just sent me a list of the top 10 best thing's about women. Im here to expose the truth(fine, a man's view) on the "fact"'s presented. And a forewarning to any rug munchin' clit happy feminazis, this is meant as a joke, so don't go calling me a shovanist or something stupid like that.
1. "It is amazing how women are so wonderfully giving and loving. Their love is unconditional and forever. And once they forgive, they really forget. They don’t dig out the heavy artillery, even when they have the best opportunities to do so."
Women don't hold grudges? Is this a joke? My own mother bring's up trivial mistakes I made 6 year's ago, to prove her point. And a womans love is only un-conditional if she's scraping the bottom of the barrel, and you're what she finds.
2. "It is lovely how women manage to hear you out for hours. They never pass judgments. Never say you are wrong (even if you have behaved like the worst jerk in the world). And when you ask for their opinion they give it without managing to make you feel a worm. They criticize without wounding."
This should be more like, "it's lovely how women manage to keep going on for hours". Anytime I've ever argued with a woman, it took me half an hour to JUST get my 2 cent's in. And critisizing without wounding? bring's the phrase "useless sack of inbred shit" to mind, but I'm sure she meant it in the most constructive way.
3. "The most adorable thing about a women is her blush. It speaks volumes and conveys things which even she won’t openly admit too. It is a real turn on when a women blushes at you. It shows she more than cares, she is crazy about you."
Blush? blush?! What kind of retarded shit is this? Why do I care how red a woman get's when she's checkin' a guys dick?
4. "A smile. I dig women’s smile. Now when women smiles, she really smiles. No pretences, She smiles from her heart and speaks with her eyes. It is amazing how many ways women smiles. She has a tender smile, a loving smile, a “what will I do with you” kinda smile. A saucy grin. a smile of gentle indulgence and finally the best of them the complete smile. The smile that says “Whatever you are, however you are, I love you”"
And also, a smile that says " Im sleeping with your best friend, and you can't do anything about it, cause Im the only pussy you can get"
5. "The way they get all in a frenzy, when they want to let you know of their achievements. Their eyes say “I want you to be proud of me” but they will die rather than admit it, After all they only wanted to let you know."
So, basically, women are all just attention seeking? Yeah, I can agree with that.
6. "I love a woman when she loses her temper. She gets all fluttered, says all sort of things she doesn’t mean, is generally very harsh and then bursts into tears. Now help me out here, who is one being yelled at?"
Oh, wow, I love that to! When a girl rip's your guts out, shows them to you, and then apoligizes for losing her temper.
7. "I am amazed at the reticence of a woman. If men were dished even half the crap some women are dished out every day we would raise a hue and cry. But women bear it all and come out smiling. They even manage to love the jerk who does it all to them. "
Now for this tired old argument. All the broken nail's and broken heart's in the world don't match up to THE DRAFT, so don't even try.
8. "I love the general “do-good” attitude that is an undeniable part of every woman. They are out to reform everyone. They will give you sermons on all your vices (by the number of ‘vices’ they list you will feel a worse insect than Satan will) and tell you have to reform to be a “better” person. And will be hurt if you don’t wanna change. "
Yeah, thats a woman alright. Look at everyone else before you put the magnifying glass on yourself.
9 "I know you may think me a sadist due to this but personally I think the most beautiful and irresistible thing about a woman is her tear. It is guaranteed to break down the hardest of resistances and melt the stoniest hearts. On the other side it also shows the breaking of all the barriers a woman builds up. When a woman is crying she is opening up completely before you and trusts you enough for it."
This careful strategy also buy's her jewlerry, candy, and her daddy's credit card, so forgive me if I consider her "opening up" a ploy to get at my empty wallet.
10. "And finally the answer I heard most often, “I can’t tell you any single thing that I love about a woman, It is the perfect mix that makes men go weak-kneed. The sensuality combined with nurturing, the naughtiness combined with caring, the vivacity coupled with quiet understanding. It is a heady mix and man, it is very intoxicating"
Ok, so from this point, all I can get is "women make me horny", and I'm going to have to whole heartedly agree. They DO.
1. "It is amazing how women are so wonderfully giving and loving. Their love is unconditional and forever. And once they forgive, they really forget. They don’t dig out the heavy artillery, even when they have the best opportunities to do so."
Women don't hold grudges? Is this a joke? My own mother bring's up trivial mistakes I made 6 year's ago, to prove her point. And a womans love is only un-conditional if she's scraping the bottom of the barrel, and you're what she finds.
2. "It is lovely how women manage to hear you out for hours. They never pass judgments. Never say you are wrong (even if you have behaved like the worst jerk in the world). And when you ask for their opinion they give it without managing to make you feel a worm. They criticize without wounding."
This should be more like, "it's lovely how women manage to keep going on for hours". Anytime I've ever argued with a woman, it took me half an hour to JUST get my 2 cent's in. And critisizing without wounding? bring's the phrase "useless sack of inbred shit" to mind, but I'm sure she meant it in the most constructive way.
3. "The most adorable thing about a women is her blush. It speaks volumes and conveys things which even she won’t openly admit too. It is a real turn on when a women blushes at you. It shows she more than cares, she is crazy about you."
Blush? blush?! What kind of retarded shit is this? Why do I care how red a woman get's when she's checkin' a guys dick?
4. "A smile. I dig women’s smile. Now when women smiles, she really smiles. No pretences, She smiles from her heart and speaks with her eyes. It is amazing how many ways women smiles. She has a tender smile, a loving smile, a “what will I do with you” kinda smile. A saucy grin. a smile of gentle indulgence and finally the best of them the complete smile. The smile that says “Whatever you are, however you are, I love you”"
And also, a smile that says " Im sleeping with your best friend, and you can't do anything about it, cause Im the only pussy you can get"
5. "The way they get all in a frenzy, when they want to let you know of their achievements. Their eyes say “I want you to be proud of me” but they will die rather than admit it, After all they only wanted to let you know."
So, basically, women are all just attention seeking? Yeah, I can agree with that.
6. "I love a woman when she loses her temper. She gets all fluttered, says all sort of things she doesn’t mean, is generally very harsh and then bursts into tears. Now help me out here, who is one being yelled at?"
Oh, wow, I love that to! When a girl rip's your guts out, shows them to you, and then apoligizes for losing her temper.
7. "I am amazed at the reticence of a woman. If men were dished even half the crap some women are dished out every day we would raise a hue and cry. But women bear it all and come out smiling. They even manage to love the jerk who does it all to them. "
Now for this tired old argument. All the broken nail's and broken heart's in the world don't match up to THE DRAFT, so don't even try.
8. "I love the general “do-good” attitude that is an undeniable part of every woman. They are out to reform everyone. They will give you sermons on all your vices (by the number of ‘vices’ they list you will feel a worse insect than Satan will) and tell you have to reform to be a “better” person. And will be hurt if you don’t wanna change. "
Yeah, thats a woman alright. Look at everyone else before you put the magnifying glass on yourself.
9 "I know you may think me a sadist due to this but personally I think the most beautiful and irresistible thing about a woman is her tear. It is guaranteed to break down the hardest of resistances and melt the stoniest hearts. On the other side it also shows the breaking of all the barriers a woman builds up. When a woman is crying she is opening up completely before you and trusts you enough for it."
This careful strategy also buy's her jewlerry, candy, and her daddy's credit card, so forgive me if I consider her "opening up" a ploy to get at my empty wallet.
10. "And finally the answer I heard most often, “I can’t tell you any single thing that I love about a woman, It is the perfect mix that makes men go weak-kneed. The sensuality combined with nurturing, the naughtiness combined with caring, the vivacity coupled with quiet understanding. It is a heady mix and man, it is very intoxicating"
Ok, so from this point, all I can get is "women make me horny", and I'm going to have to whole heartedly agree. They DO.