(no subject)
It is painstakingly hard to put to words the feelings I have been experiencing over the past few weeks. For the most part, life has been a complete daze, surrounded by my friends and people who I'm becoming better friends with. But I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
I have been feeling very lost lately. Like I'm almost just drifting by, I try and make due with the moment, not the future. I feel that is my problem, I don't want to concern myself with the future, but this is the time to be doing that. I don't want to have to make decisions about where I am going to college or what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I've never really been afraid of taking big steps in my life, but I'm starting to see that what I thought my next years were going to be like aren't exactly what I imagined. My lack of enthusiasm and dedication to school is starting to pop up and I feel like I am not capable of doing what I need to. I want to leave this city, I want to feel the freedom of no boundaries. I need to do things for myself and unfortunately I may not be able to because of my lack of dedication to school. Auburn seems somewhat out of reach after receiving a letter stating that I was neither accepted or denied, not that I have lost all hope, but it shows that if I don't do well this year, I'm staying. I am afraid that I won't be able to do things that I have always wanted to do... but it seems as hard as I try I just keep getting pushed down.
Well, I don't want to be rambling on about not doing well in school when I can be studying for the two tests I have tomorrow. One of those tests in a class with a teacher that apparently hates me because I can answer his dumbass questions and do well on a test that most everyone fails. Fucking pig.
I have been feeling very lost lately. Like I'm almost just drifting by, I try and make due with the moment, not the future. I feel that is my problem, I don't want to concern myself with the future, but this is the time to be doing that. I don't want to have to make decisions about where I am going to college or what I am going to be doing for the rest of my life. I've never really been afraid of taking big steps in my life, but I'm starting to see that what I thought my next years were going to be like aren't exactly what I imagined. My lack of enthusiasm and dedication to school is starting to pop up and I feel like I am not capable of doing what I need to. I want to leave this city, I want to feel the freedom of no boundaries. I need to do things for myself and unfortunately I may not be able to because of my lack of dedication to school. Auburn seems somewhat out of reach after receiving a letter stating that I was neither accepted or denied, not that I have lost all hope, but it shows that if I don't do well this year, I'm staying. I am afraid that I won't be able to do things that I have always wanted to do... but it seems as hard as I try I just keep getting pushed down.
Well, I don't want to be rambling on about not doing well in school when I can be studying for the two tests I have tomorrow. One of those tests in a class with a teacher that apparently hates me because I can answer his dumbass questions and do well on a test that most everyone fails. Fucking pig.