(no subject)
I can't believe its almost the end of my sophomore year. I feel like time goes by so much faster in college, because I'm constantly busy. It's ridiculous. I'm more than flabbergasted, I'm utterly bewildered.
I've been feeling so damn confused lately. I want to just be done with this year so I can recharge and evaluate everything. I have no clue what the hell I want to do with my life. I declared a major, finally, so that's a start. But seriously, what the hell am I going to do with a BA in History? In all honesty? I can't think of a thing. I don't want to be stuck at Village Hell for the rest of my life. I'm better than that. The only way I'd go back to Village Hell is if I were to take Bob's job. But even then, do I want that?
No.
I have no clue what I want. It's times like these when I wish it was more acceptable for women to just stay at home and be the mom. That's all I ever really wanted to do. But in today's economy, the likelihood of that just isn't possible, unless the hubby-to-be suddenly gets a 6 figure job right out of college. And let's be honest, that's probably not gonna happen either.
I really wonder why I'm stuck in a 19 (soon to be 20) year old's body. I'm so far ahead mentally that its frustrating. For example, I am so ready to just be done with college, to get married, and have a family. That's all I want. I kid around with my sorority sisters saying I'm getting my degree in MRS (mrs. get it?) but in reality, it's kind of what I want. I want to be the mommy, the home-maker. I know that being that is the one job I'd be good at.
I've been feeling so lonely and unloved too. I hate long distance relationships. I have a really crappy self-esteem to begin with. And when I'm away from Ev, I feel less about myself. I know, it's silly. I've been told from the get go that a man doesn't make or break you. But I've invested so much into him, that in a way it does. I know he loves me, I know he does. But when you're 300 miles away its hard to feel that through scattered phone calls and text messages- when all you want is to be held.
I can't wait to be done with this semester. With the next 4 semesters. The next 2 years. I want to be done. I want to graduate. I'm nervous for the future, I know that, but I know I'll be fine. I know I'm with the right guy, there's never been a doubt about that. I just want to fast forward to being an adult. I'm tired of this in-between stage.
I've been feeling so damn confused lately. I want to just be done with this year so I can recharge and evaluate everything. I have no clue what the hell I want to do with my life. I declared a major, finally, so that's a start. But seriously, what the hell am I going to do with a BA in History? In all honesty? I can't think of a thing. I don't want to be stuck at Village Hell for the rest of my life. I'm better than that. The only way I'd go back to Village Hell is if I were to take Bob's job. But even then, do I want that?
No.
I have no clue what I want. It's times like these when I wish it was more acceptable for women to just stay at home and be the mom. That's all I ever really wanted to do. But in today's economy, the likelihood of that just isn't possible, unless the hubby-to-be suddenly gets a 6 figure job right out of college. And let's be honest, that's probably not gonna happen either.
I really wonder why I'm stuck in a 19 (soon to be 20) year old's body. I'm so far ahead mentally that its frustrating. For example, I am so ready to just be done with college, to get married, and have a family. That's all I want. I kid around with my sorority sisters saying I'm getting my degree in MRS (mrs. get it?) but in reality, it's kind of what I want. I want to be the mommy, the home-maker. I know that being that is the one job I'd be good at.
I've been feeling so lonely and unloved too. I hate long distance relationships. I have a really crappy self-esteem to begin with. And when I'm away from Ev, I feel less about myself. I know, it's silly. I've been told from the get go that a man doesn't make or break you. But I've invested so much into him, that in a way it does. I know he loves me, I know he does. But when you're 300 miles away its hard to feel that through scattered phone calls and text messages- when all you want is to be held.
I can't wait to be done with this semester. With the next 4 semesters. The next 2 years. I want to be done. I want to graduate. I'm nervous for the future, I know that, but I know I'll be fine. I know I'm with the right guy, there's never been a doubt about that. I just want to fast forward to being an adult. I'm tired of this in-between stage.