An apple a day keeps the buff and hairy Spartan doctor away
I have been looking forward to the release of 300 for a long long long LONG time. Three reasons:
1. Pretty colors.
2. Bloody battle scenes.
3. THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
Did it live up to my expectations?
What makes this movie so amazingly bad-ass is that nobody looks real. Even Faramir looks computer-generated. If this is the future of film-making, I say bring it! Me like the colors!
I haven't read the graphic novel but I'm fairly certain that the story of 300 isn't particularly true to the actual Battle of Thermopylae. I guess it's not as exciting to call the movie "300 Spartans Plus Those 700 Other Guys Who Helped Them Out". I'm also unsure as to whether Spartan warriors actually went into battle wearing little more than their birthday suits. In the film, the boys kill about a gazillion Persians without sustaining much more than a scratch. And also, how did they keep their chests so clean-shaven when they were camping out in the mountains for three days? Stubble, say what?
Anyway, the pretty colors were even prettier in the film than they were in the trailer. When you factor in the liberal use of slow-motion and the "OUHHHHAHHHHH" chanting soundtrack, you get a pretty impressive package. Oh, and lots of blood and guts, just like I expected. It wasn't as grotesque as Sin City, but if you're looking for gore, you won't be disappointed. I even covered my eyes at one point and we all know that I'm a bamf.
I know I hate on Gerard Butler alot, but Mr. Phantom did us proud as Leonidas, the Very Buff And Hairy King. And I don't even actually hate him; I just enjoy making fun of his uncontrollable Scottish accent and lack of vocal talent. I won't mention that I frequently knocked his acting in the past, because I really enjoyed his performance in 300 and I'm having to get used to the taste of my foot in my mouth. Yikes. At any rate, he was the perfect Leonidas and I actually felt really sad when he got the pincushion treatment at the end.
If you're looking for a profound, historically accurate, and deeply introspective story, 300 isn't your best option. If you want gloriously melodramatic bad-assing, by all means, go see this film. The performances are good, the script is okay (and much of it is narrated by Faramir's very nice voice), and the overall spectacle is phenomenal. Never a dull moment and lots of pretty colors to boot. I took offense to the loss of poor Faramir's eye, but at least he had his formidable six-pack to console himself.
My favorite scene went something like this:
Phantom's Not-So-Attractive Wife: Council of Official-Looking Men, vote to send out the army so my buff and hairy husband may live!
Council of Official-Looking Men: ...
Shady Character The Not-So-Attractive Wife Banged Last Night In Return For His Vote To Save Hubby: She's a liar and a whore!
Audience: OMG BETRAYAL WTF!!!
Phantom's Not-So-Attractive Wife: DIE SHADY CHARACTER! *totally stabs him with someone else's sword right in front of the council dudes*
Audience: FUCKING RIGHT.
That might not be my favorite scene overall, but it was slightly unexpected seeing as how the wife had been basically useless for the entire film. Also, she walked around looking like a slut right in front of her kid, which just isn't right.
Speaking of poor choices in apparel, the Persian king Xerxes was way overdressed for the occasion and I would have found the continuous jingling of his 45,000 tons of jewelry to be highly distracting. Juuuuuust saying.
I would love to say more about this film, but I think I can accurately summarize my thoughts by saying that, like Lord of the Rings before it, 300 is one of those movies that is so good that you HAVE to make fun of it. Unlike Lord of the Rings, 300 doesn't have much emotional pull to put it in the exact same league. It is, however, one of the best movies of all time, hands down--if only because of its aesthetic and dramatic appeal. And Gerard's character doesn't sing, which is always a plus in my book.
P.S. Leonidas munching on an apple in the middle of the battle-field was so. Freaking. Awesome.
1. Pretty colors.
2. Bloody battle scenes.
3. THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
Did it live up to my expectations?
What makes this movie so amazingly bad-ass is that nobody looks real. Even Faramir looks computer-generated. If this is the future of film-making, I say bring it! Me like the colors!
I haven't read the graphic novel but I'm fairly certain that the story of 300 isn't particularly true to the actual Battle of Thermopylae. I guess it's not as exciting to call the movie "300 Spartans Plus Those 700 Other Guys Who Helped Them Out". I'm also unsure as to whether Spartan warriors actually went into battle wearing little more than their birthday suits. In the film, the boys kill about a gazillion Persians without sustaining much more than a scratch. And also, how did they keep their chests so clean-shaven when they were camping out in the mountains for three days? Stubble, say what?
Anyway, the pretty colors were even prettier in the film than they were in the trailer. When you factor in the liberal use of slow-motion and the "OUHHHHAHHHHH" chanting soundtrack, you get a pretty impressive package. Oh, and lots of blood and guts, just like I expected. It wasn't as grotesque as Sin City, but if you're looking for gore, you won't be disappointed. I even covered my eyes at one point and we all know that I'm a bamf.
I know I hate on Gerard Butler alot, but Mr. Phantom did us proud as Leonidas, the Very Buff And Hairy King. And I don't even actually hate him; I just enjoy making fun of his uncontrollable Scottish accent and lack of vocal talent. I won't mention that I frequently knocked his acting in the past, because I really enjoyed his performance in 300 and I'm having to get used to the taste of my foot in my mouth. Yikes. At any rate, he was the perfect Leonidas and I actually felt really sad when he got the pincushion treatment at the end.
If you're looking for a profound, historically accurate, and deeply introspective story, 300 isn't your best option. If you want gloriously melodramatic bad-assing, by all means, go see this film. The performances are good, the script is okay (and much of it is narrated by Faramir's very nice voice), and the overall spectacle is phenomenal. Never a dull moment and lots of pretty colors to boot. I took offense to the loss of poor Faramir's eye, but at least he had his formidable six-pack to console himself.
My favorite scene went something like this:
Phantom's Not-So-Attractive Wife: Council of Official-Looking Men, vote to send out the army so my buff and hairy husband may live!
Council of Official-Looking Men: ...
Shady Character The Not-So-Attractive Wife Banged Last Night In Return For His Vote To Save Hubby: She's a liar and a whore!
Audience: OMG BETRAYAL WTF!!!
Phantom's Not-So-Attractive Wife: DIE SHADY CHARACTER! *totally stabs him with someone else's sword right in front of the council dudes*
Audience: FUCKING RIGHT.
That might not be my favorite scene overall, but it was slightly unexpected seeing as how the wife had been basically useless for the entire film. Also, she walked around looking like a slut right in front of her kid, which just isn't right.
Speaking of poor choices in apparel, the Persian king Xerxes was way overdressed for the occasion and I would have found the continuous jingling of his 45,000 tons of jewelry to be highly distracting. Juuuuuust saying.
I would love to say more about this film, but I think I can accurately summarize my thoughts by saying that, like Lord of the Rings before it, 300 is one of those movies that is so good that you HAVE to make fun of it. Unlike Lord of the Rings, 300 doesn't have much emotional pull to put it in the exact same league. It is, however, one of the best movies of all time, hands down--if only because of its aesthetic and dramatic appeal. And Gerard's character doesn't sing, which is always a plus in my book.
P.S. Leonidas munching on an apple in the middle of the battle-field was so. Freaking. Awesome.