(no subject)
I basically hit rock bottom, i went into the crisis center on the 24th. It was probably the worst experience of my life. I walk in they make me get into these paper scrubs things basically SCREAMING that im crazy. They sat me in a room for hours and hours to where i started shaking getting so angry i was going to punch a hole through the wall. Then they brought me into a room in the crisis center which made me cry my eyes out even more it was nothing but a dirty bed a table and a camera in the corner. A guy named theo came into the room asked me some questions and we decided i would go into an outpatient program. My first appointment is on wednsday. I took a leave of absence from school for 90 days so i can get my mind straight and go back actually motivated and wanting to be there.
Pretty much what put me into the crisis center was everything building up so much to where my mom yelled at me for leavin a cup on the ledge and i started screaming then started balling in my room punching my wall then i left and just sat in my car on a side street in runnemede with no where to go no one to call and feeling completely hopeless not wanting to be alive. I eventually go home after my mom begging me to and her and i talk for a little in my room. She wanted us to go downstairs but i didnt want to, nor did i want to be alone. I didnt know what to do. I wanted to go to bed after going downstairs for a little and asked my mom to hold my pills because i didnt know what id do. So i slept and got up for school feeling like a truck hit me. I was there for 10 minutes before i started balling again not wanting to live so i decided i really needed to go to crisis. I came home, kelly came over and we drove to the crisis center.
Before all of this i was hanging out with an asshole pot dealer that played me non stop and just treated me like shit and used me. He was definitely not the reason for this breakdown just a little boost to get me there.
I hungout with ani recently and found out she was doing coke. I told her i thought she was disgusting and that she was not the same person i used to be friends with. I also said that i was never first on her list, there was always someone more important, stacey, paul, matt, kujo, kate, sharon...basically anyone. I told her to call me when she is a changed person.
Nicole is still in rehab a year ago we were in mexico and i wish i had her back. I miss her so much because i know that she is a true friend unlike everyone else, and shes beeen in crisis many times so i know she could help me out and understand but shes not around.
I dont talk to anyone anymore really, i need a job while im on my leave of absence and during school or else ill go back to where i was partying all night sleeping all day and over again.
You need to hit rock bottom before you start the climb, hopefully ill get there.
Pretty much what put me into the crisis center was everything building up so much to where my mom yelled at me for leavin a cup on the ledge and i started screaming then started balling in my room punching my wall then i left and just sat in my car on a side street in runnemede with no where to go no one to call and feeling completely hopeless not wanting to be alive. I eventually go home after my mom begging me to and her and i talk for a little in my room. She wanted us to go downstairs but i didnt want to, nor did i want to be alone. I didnt know what to do. I wanted to go to bed after going downstairs for a little and asked my mom to hold my pills because i didnt know what id do. So i slept and got up for school feeling like a truck hit me. I was there for 10 minutes before i started balling again not wanting to live so i decided i really needed to go to crisis. I came home, kelly came over and we drove to the crisis center.
Before all of this i was hanging out with an asshole pot dealer that played me non stop and just treated me like shit and used me. He was definitely not the reason for this breakdown just a little boost to get me there.
I hungout with ani recently and found out she was doing coke. I told her i thought she was disgusting and that she was not the same person i used to be friends with. I also said that i was never first on her list, there was always someone more important, stacey, paul, matt, kujo, kate, sharon...basically anyone. I told her to call me when she is a changed person.
Nicole is still in rehab a year ago we were in mexico and i wish i had her back. I miss her so much because i know that she is a true friend unlike everyone else, and shes beeen in crisis many times so i know she could help me out and understand but shes not around.
I dont talk to anyone anymore really, i need a job while im on my leave of absence and during school or else ill go back to where i was partying all night sleeping all day and over again.
You need to hit rock bottom before you start the climb, hopefully ill get there.