(no subject)
It's very strange. I keep wanting to turn around and talk to Willow - I forget she's not here with me. I want to point out whenever I see something beautiful, like the way the sunrise looked this morning. The colors were so gorgeous and the air felt soft and I just felt so at peace. I think I'd forgotten what true peace feels like. That's strange, isn't it? You'd think that being ... what I was... would have made those experiences more intense.
And yet, somehow it's as a human that I'm so much stronger. That I know that I can do good, because I can choose to do good. To help others, to love others. That's what makes us special.
I haven't tried any magic yet, but I think I've found myself, who I am. I know - I know that I died for it, last time, trying to help others, to fight for good. But that doesn't mean I didn't make the right decision. I wasn't sure, when I left, if I could go through that again - risk myself, risk others. But I know that I can, and I will, because I love them. My family.
Tomorrow one of the women from the retreat will walk me through some meditations and we'll discover how much is left within me. But the thing I realized, after this last week? It doesn't matter. If I have as much power as I had before or if I have no power at all - I'll still be me. I'll still be there, to help others, in one way or another.
And yet, somehow it's as a human that I'm so much stronger. That I know that I can do good, because I can choose to do good. To help others, to love others. That's what makes us special.
I haven't tried any magic yet, but I think I've found myself, who I am. I know - I know that I died for it, last time, trying to help others, to fight for good. But that doesn't mean I didn't make the right decision. I wasn't sure, when I left, if I could go through that again - risk myself, risk others. But I know that I can, and I will, because I love them. My family.
Tomorrow one of the women from the retreat will walk me through some meditations and we'll discover how much is left within me. But the thing I realized, after this last week? It doesn't matter. If I have as much power as I had before or if I have no power at all - I'll still be me. I'll still be there, to help others, in one way or another.