(no subject)
10. Teenagers
We know that you can't get into bars. We are also aware of the lack of venues for teen socialization in this area. But no matter how hard you try, hanging out at a coffee shop will never be cool. It's not a bar, and the sheer volume of caffeine consumed by the average teen in a coffee shop makes them a danger to themselves and others.
9. Anything decaffeinated
Seriously, what's the point? If you don't want the caffeine, you don't need the coffee.
8. Over three words to order?
We've all heard the Jeff Foxworthy bit. If it takes more than three words to order your coffee, you might as well call it dessert.
7. Taking forever to order
The espresso menu hasn't changed much in the last 200 years, and every coffee shop has all of the basics. I know we all want to give the impression of being "risk takers," but let's not go out on a limb. Just order the vanilla latte and move on.
6. The Macchiato
I blame Starbucks. It's not my fault that Starbucks calls a caramel latte a Macchiato so they can charge you an extra $1.50 for it. At my coffee shop, if you order a Macchiato, you're going to get a Macchiato. If you aren't sure what that is, again, just order the vanilla latte and move on.
5. Live music
I know someone thought this was a good idea, but frankly, that someone was dead wrong. I'm a fan of a little unoffensive background music from time to time. But I don't consider the love child of Christopher Parkening and Don McLean butchering a cover of "Take It Easy" to be unoffensive. If that's the kind of music you want to hear, go spend 30 minutes in a government building elevator. At least when you're a customer, you can leave. As employees, we're forced to endure the entire performance.
4. Anything from a blender
This means ALL of the blended coffee drinks (aka fraps). I realize it's getting warmer outside, and you don't really want a hot drink, but if you want a sno-cone, go get a sno-cone. Don't waste my time ordering a drink that was never meant to be put in a blender and then complain that it doesn't taste like the hot one. If you want a milkshake, might I suggest the Jamocha shake at Arby's?
3. Being in a hurry
Good espresso drinks take time to make, and poor planing on your part does not constitute an emergency for the barista. It's not our fault you have to be at work in five minutes. Might I suggest a small coffee to go?
2. Tipping
This one is pretty self explanatory, but for the slow pokes out there, let me elaborate. Your barista risks life and limb (well, limb ... sometimes) preparing your piping-hot beverages. I think it's only fair to leave $1 after ordering a $4 drink. Don't think of it as a tip, think of it as hazard pay.
1. Starbucks
Not so much the company, but the fact that every time someone enters ANY coffee shop, they start spouting out Starbucks speak. "I'd like a vente, half-caf, mocha, frap to go." Unless you're in Rome, there is no reason to order coffee in Italian. And if you're not writing out the drink ticket, please speak in complete sentences (or at least complete words).
Whom we love
While baristas have gripes about customers, there are also a few things we like about our customers.
It's pretty safe to say that baristas are creatures of habit. We like regular customers, familiar faces, orders we have memorized. We like polite customers who order simple drinks and tip well. We like pleasant, patient customers who know our names. We prefer customers who don't hurl abuse when there is a line out the door, and customers who understand what it takes to make a quality drink.
While these are the ideal, there will always be customers who, well, kinda suck. Remember the list above, and know that in every coffee shop I've ever worked in, there is a large serrated knife for cutting bagels. And there is very little keeping your barista from plunging that knife into your heart. So, treat your barista with respect. It would be better for everyone that way.
We know that you can't get into bars. We are also aware of the lack of venues for teen socialization in this area. But no matter how hard you try, hanging out at a coffee shop will never be cool. It's not a bar, and the sheer volume of caffeine consumed by the average teen in a coffee shop makes them a danger to themselves and others.
9. Anything decaffeinated
Seriously, what's the point? If you don't want the caffeine, you don't need the coffee.
8. Over three words to order?
We've all heard the Jeff Foxworthy bit. If it takes more than three words to order your coffee, you might as well call it dessert.
7. Taking forever to order
The espresso menu hasn't changed much in the last 200 years, and every coffee shop has all of the basics. I know we all want to give the impression of being "risk takers," but let's not go out on a limb. Just order the vanilla latte and move on.
6. The Macchiato
I blame Starbucks. It's not my fault that Starbucks calls a caramel latte a Macchiato so they can charge you an extra $1.50 for it. At my coffee shop, if you order a Macchiato, you're going to get a Macchiato. If you aren't sure what that is, again, just order the vanilla latte and move on.
5. Live music
I know someone thought this was a good idea, but frankly, that someone was dead wrong. I'm a fan of a little unoffensive background music from time to time. But I don't consider the love child of Christopher Parkening and Don McLean butchering a cover of "Take It Easy" to be unoffensive. If that's the kind of music you want to hear, go spend 30 minutes in a government building elevator. At least when you're a customer, you can leave. As employees, we're forced to endure the entire performance.
4. Anything from a blender
This means ALL of the blended coffee drinks (aka fraps). I realize it's getting warmer outside, and you don't really want a hot drink, but if you want a sno-cone, go get a sno-cone. Don't waste my time ordering a drink that was never meant to be put in a blender and then complain that it doesn't taste like the hot one. If you want a milkshake, might I suggest the Jamocha shake at Arby's?
3. Being in a hurry
Good espresso drinks take time to make, and poor planing on your part does not constitute an emergency for the barista. It's not our fault you have to be at work in five minutes. Might I suggest a small coffee to go?
2. Tipping
This one is pretty self explanatory, but for the slow pokes out there, let me elaborate. Your barista risks life and limb (well, limb ... sometimes) preparing your piping-hot beverages. I think it's only fair to leave $1 after ordering a $4 drink. Don't think of it as a tip, think of it as hazard pay.
1. Starbucks
Not so much the company, but the fact that every time someone enters ANY coffee shop, they start spouting out Starbucks speak. "I'd like a vente, half-caf, mocha, frap to go." Unless you're in Rome, there is no reason to order coffee in Italian. And if you're not writing out the drink ticket, please speak in complete sentences (or at least complete words).
Whom we love
While baristas have gripes about customers, there are also a few things we like about our customers.
It's pretty safe to say that baristas are creatures of habit. We like regular customers, familiar faces, orders we have memorized. We like polite customers who order simple drinks and tip well. We like pleasant, patient customers who know our names. We prefer customers who don't hurl abuse when there is a line out the door, and customers who understand what it takes to make a quality drink.
While these are the ideal, there will always be customers who, well, kinda suck. Remember the list above, and know that in every coffee shop I've ever worked in, there is a large serrated knife for cutting bagels. And there is very little keeping your barista from plunging that knife into your heart. So, treat your barista with respect. It would be better for everyone that way.