(no subject)
It's so hard to feel worthy of anything or worth anyone's time when I realize I've made the closest person to me feel I don't need them or want them. But I do. And I feel like nothing now. The only thing that keeps me is praying and crying and trying to not hate myself compeletely or feel like I'm alone and like no one will ever love me or understand me or care about me like that someone did. And that I will forever lie in the hole I've dug for myself.
But all the same, I do like the smell of the earth. I imagine the walls of dirt around me to be like that perfect potting soil type. Not dry or cracked. But still, I can't get out b/c if I try, the walls of dirt will loosen and cave me in forever. So I sit here.. not calling out to anyone but silent prayers.. just being and hoping for something. Something.
Maybe it'd be better if I just sat here forever. Forever until eventually, the dirt withers away with the wind and I might possibly be able to hop out and build up a garden. That sounds nice.
But all the same, I do like the smell of the earth. I imagine the walls of dirt around me to be like that perfect potting soil type. Not dry or cracked. But still, I can't get out b/c if I try, the walls of dirt will loosen and cave me in forever. So I sit here.. not calling out to anyone but silent prayers.. just being and hoping for something. Something.
Maybe it'd be better if I just sat here forever. Forever until eventually, the dirt withers away with the wind and I might possibly be able to hop out and build up a garden. That sounds nice.