(no subject)
So I guess it's time, for the big revelation, the final goodbye, etc etc. This journal has contained many goodbyes, revelations, resolutions, so on and now.. I don't know if i have anything to say that's worth typing. Then again, I suppose I rarely ever did.
So high school is done, just like that, a blur of smoke burning off a cigarette I sat around smoking somewhere.
To be honest, I will hardly miss anyone from high school. In fact, I can probably count all the people I will miss on 2 hands.. and maybe that's even being a bit too generous.
All this time I kept saying "I'm over it I'm over it", well, I guess I really was. I suppose I get it now.. the fun part is over and life is ready to jump me from behind. I'm too jaded to get excited, and too optimistic to get scared, so I'm just waiting.
I don't really want to go to college. I've been there done that (there goes the jadedness) and I don't want to be there and do it again.. can't I just skip the next 6 years or so.. wake up engaged and working at a decent place that makes me happy?
It's funny because I used to so enjoy being contemplative. I used to love to think.. and think and think and think for hours on end and now.. Well now all I think is that thinking is over rated. Most people aren't worth thinking about and those that are don't make me think much anyway.
I know I feel a bit too immortal in some ways and a bit too insecure in others.. but I am, as they call us, human, and there's not too much I can do about it.
I'm so much more selfish than I ever thought I would become and sometimes it scares me that I'm ok with that.
I'd be ok if for the rest of eternity the world revolved around me. If that's a crime, then sue me.
I keep reassuring myself that I need the change of scenery and the new life and then I remember that it's the same people.. and the same place, there just so happens to be a beach next door.
And I worry for those who follow, as I worry for myself. Because sometimes I wonder how we ever get up and just move on.
Sometimes the higher road looks lower. Sometimes.. it just feels better to be nothing.
So high school is done, just like that, a blur of smoke burning off a cigarette I sat around smoking somewhere.
To be honest, I will hardly miss anyone from high school. In fact, I can probably count all the people I will miss on 2 hands.. and maybe that's even being a bit too generous.
All this time I kept saying "I'm over it I'm over it", well, I guess I really was. I suppose I get it now.. the fun part is over and life is ready to jump me from behind. I'm too jaded to get excited, and too optimistic to get scared, so I'm just waiting.
I don't really want to go to college. I've been there done that (there goes the jadedness) and I don't want to be there and do it again.. can't I just skip the next 6 years or so.. wake up engaged and working at a decent place that makes me happy?
It's funny because I used to so enjoy being contemplative. I used to love to think.. and think and think and think for hours on end and now.. Well now all I think is that thinking is over rated. Most people aren't worth thinking about and those that are don't make me think much anyway.
I know I feel a bit too immortal in some ways and a bit too insecure in others.. but I am, as they call us, human, and there's not too much I can do about it.
I'm so much more selfish than I ever thought I would become and sometimes it scares me that I'm ok with that.
I'd be ok if for the rest of eternity the world revolved around me. If that's a crime, then sue me.
I keep reassuring myself that I need the change of scenery and the new life and then I remember that it's the same people.. and the same place, there just so happens to be a beach next door.
And I worry for those who follow, as I worry for myself. Because sometimes I wonder how we ever get up and just move on.
Sometimes the higher road looks lower. Sometimes.. it just feels better to be nothing.