Words.
One hundred and eighty degrees. That's exactly how my life has turned in the past few months. So much of my life and my being has changed from late spring, all through the summer, and now into fall. Fall? It's ironic, because I'm really falling. I don't know where I'm falling from or where I'm falling to, but it's happening and I'm comfortable with it. The air is getting colder, now. My lungs can't always handle that, so I'm in the hospital for the time being. This is my third night here. I don't know who slept in this bed before me. I hope they're better now. I haven't been in a hospital for this long since I was five.
Me at five: I had my heart set on being an Indian when I grew up. Honestly. I lost my greatest role model, my Papa, to a heart attack. At his wake, I stared at the lines in his forehead and saw "tic-tac-toe". I made my mother smile at one of the hardest moments of her life. I moved from Milton to Marshfield. I was born to be in a beachtown, anyways. I also wanted to be a violinist. I knew nothing about the violin. I was hospitalized for two weeks from an asthma attack. I lost one of my teeth while I was in intensive care, and the tooth fairy still found me, all the way at Mass General Hospital. I'm rambling. None of you need to know this. I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry.
No, I am sorry. Everyone.
Anyways. I'm here in a hospital bed. I'm awake and alive and well, I'd say. Oxygen is being pumped into my nostrils, steroids into my veins, and I haven't been this sober in so long. I don't care if any of you are reading this, it probably doesn't make sense to you, but it makes so much sense to me. I want to draw nonsense on everything I see lately.
"I think I love you."
"I think I love you back."
He inspires me every second of every minute of every day.
Lately, I've just kind of kept to myself and let all of this happen. I've never, ever, ever been so content with how everything worked out. This is exactly what I have been waiting for. It's been a long time coming. Too many years. And I don't regret a single thing.
I'm going to start building surfboards as a hobby and side job. If anyone is interested, please contact me. Also, if anyone is interested in reuiniting with me, please contact me. I miss a lot of people I've left behind through these past years. You're all still very important to me, and I still think of you often. All of you.
I can finally breathe. Get these tubes out of me.
Sorry for so many jumbled words and thoughts. I'm just trying to make sense of myself and so much else.
Me at five: I had my heart set on being an Indian when I grew up. Honestly. I lost my greatest role model, my Papa, to a heart attack. At his wake, I stared at the lines in his forehead and saw "tic-tac-toe". I made my mother smile at one of the hardest moments of her life. I moved from Milton to Marshfield. I was born to be in a beachtown, anyways. I also wanted to be a violinist. I knew nothing about the violin. I was hospitalized for two weeks from an asthma attack. I lost one of my teeth while I was in intensive care, and the tooth fairy still found me, all the way at Mass General Hospital. I'm rambling. None of you need to know this. I'm sorry.
I'm not sorry.
No, I am sorry. Everyone.
Anyways. I'm here in a hospital bed. I'm awake and alive and well, I'd say. Oxygen is being pumped into my nostrils, steroids into my veins, and I haven't been this sober in so long. I don't care if any of you are reading this, it probably doesn't make sense to you, but it makes so much sense to me. I want to draw nonsense on everything I see lately.
"I think I love you."
"I think I love you back."
He inspires me every second of every minute of every day.
Lately, I've just kind of kept to myself and let all of this happen. I've never, ever, ever been so content with how everything worked out. This is exactly what I have been waiting for. It's been a long time coming. Too many years. And I don't regret a single thing.
I'm going to start building surfboards as a hobby and side job. If anyone is interested, please contact me. Also, if anyone is interested in reuiniting with me, please contact me. I miss a lot of people I've left behind through these past years. You're all still very important to me, and I still think of you often. All of you.
I can finally breathe. Get these tubes out of me.
Sorry for so many jumbled words and thoughts. I'm just trying to make sense of myself and so much else.