(no subject)
dont read this post if you miss me.
i am totally out of touch and disassosiated in every way possible. i feel absolutely nothing.
me and johnny broke up. i feel nothing.
we moved house. i feel nothing.
im almost 19. i feel nothing.
i dont even feel as if i inhabit my body right now. im floating above it, im drifting off. my mind is somewhere so very far away and i dont know how to get it back.
something is eating at me from the inside out and i cant ignore it anymore. i always try to, it wont work. i need to get rid of if...i always have this feeling that something is coming for me, and right now i feel like its almost right on top of me. i feel myself shutting down.
jeff says hes never seen me so disconnected from everything before. he's never seen me so compassionless and apathetic. he says my mind is forcing me to confront things that i have pushed away for years..they're all coming back because i never dealt with them.
isnt that strange? i always thought i dealt with everything. i know im the kind of person to block something out for a few months then go mental, but i didnt realise i was still being haunted by demons from my past. something has broken me, and ive given in. the dr told me to keep a diary of my dreams and nightmares, its meant to help but whenever i recount them it makes me manic for no reason whatsoever.
i often get the feeling that something out there doesnt want me alive. i no longer care.
i am totally out of touch and disassosiated in every way possible. i feel absolutely nothing.
me and johnny broke up. i feel nothing.
we moved house. i feel nothing.
im almost 19. i feel nothing.
i dont even feel as if i inhabit my body right now. im floating above it, im drifting off. my mind is somewhere so very far away and i dont know how to get it back.
something is eating at me from the inside out and i cant ignore it anymore. i always try to, it wont work. i need to get rid of if...i always have this feeling that something is coming for me, and right now i feel like its almost right on top of me. i feel myself shutting down.
jeff says hes never seen me so disconnected from everything before. he's never seen me so compassionless and apathetic. he says my mind is forcing me to confront things that i have pushed away for years..they're all coming back because i never dealt with them.
isnt that strange? i always thought i dealt with everything. i know im the kind of person to block something out for a few months then go mental, but i didnt realise i was still being haunted by demons from my past. something has broken me, and ive given in. the dr told me to keep a diary of my dreams and nightmares, its meant to help but whenever i recount them it makes me manic for no reason whatsoever.
i often get the feeling that something out there doesnt want me alive. i no longer care.