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[_t_r_a_s_h_]

everyone seems to be getting by ok, i feel ive missed out / am missing out on a lot, and i miss you guys like hell...=o( ive tried to read dj/lj whenever ive had the chance but it usually makes me feel like everyone's doing better with out me! you know, everything's a struggle and it saps so much mental energy keeping up this internet stuff. i really do miss you all and i feel like im sacrificing one of the most important parts of my life just to get through school and REAL life in general. but i need to do this before i go fucking mental, i need to be able to make the distinction between what is real and what isn't before im too set in my ways to ever get better. i wish i was normal and then everything would be so less complicated. but i cant do it, you know, coming online and feeling a place that i love and belong and then throwing myself back into the real world again and again...it hurts too much...which is why ive been gone so long.

hotmail deleted my account and it made me cry cos id lost all the emails i had from re, and jenny and enni and the amazing pink and black message from tammy!! see, it all hurts too much, which is why ive cut myself off completely. re re & enni i am so happy for you both!! sarah sweety, everything will get better soon!! tamz....oh hunny i am soooo sooooo sorry!!! *much love to you* and everyone, i love you all too much...<3<3<3