CHEESE AND RICE!!!
So I got my results back from the lab and all and it turns out I'm extra angry and bitchy cause I have a cyst on my ovary :( I can't poop or fart or do anything and I'M MISERABLE. I have pains in my tummy all the time. They get worse when I lay down. It also makes it hard for me to pee. Basically it's really fucking unpleasant and I want it to stop. But I can't get an appointment until next Thursday so I probably won't be able to poop for a couple weeks. I'm not entirely sure how they do surgery and it's prob not a good idea for me to look it up.
I'm thinking about asking Lisa or somebody to go to Hampden with me this weekend, I haven't been up there in a while and I want to get some zines/comix and shirts.
I went out with Amanda's friend Mike again and it actually made me super sad and I decided I'm not ready to try to date again even though I really really really really really want a boyfriend to hang out with and be there for me. I just don't believe in starting a relationship with someone based solely on the fact that they are nice. People are giving me shit because I have a hard time with guys but I'm not feeling it with him. He tried to kiss me and I was like okay....that won't be happening. My co-worker said "well you could KISS him, it's not a big deal". It is a big fucking deal, I'm sick of doing things that I don't want to do because I feel like I have to, that's bullshit!! I don't want to pity kiss some dude, I want to find one that I click with just like I did with Michael. I have been spending more nights that I should lying awake thinking about him. Every time I think a positive thought about I mentally smack myself in the head. I also hate myself. The dude Mike was talking to me about how people go running back to people who did shitty things to them and that's what Michael did. I don't want to be viewed as a weak person anymore. That means it doesn't matter how bad I feel or what I think I can't do that, but it makes it easier for me that nobody wants me back I guess.
I'm thinking about asking Lisa or somebody to go to Hampden with me this weekend, I haven't been up there in a while and I want to get some zines/comix and shirts.
I went out with Amanda's friend Mike again and it actually made me super sad and I decided I'm not ready to try to date again even though I really really really really really want a boyfriend to hang out with and be there for me. I just don't believe in starting a relationship with someone based solely on the fact that they are nice. People are giving me shit because I have a hard time with guys but I'm not feeling it with him. He tried to kiss me and I was like okay....that won't be happening. My co-worker said "well you could KISS him, it's not a big deal". It is a big fucking deal, I'm sick of doing things that I don't want to do because I feel like I have to, that's bullshit!! I don't want to pity kiss some dude, I want to find one that I click with just like I did with Michael. I have been spending more nights that I should lying awake thinking about him. Every time I think a positive thought about I mentally smack myself in the head. I also hate myself. The dude Mike was talking to me about how people go running back to people who did shitty things to them and that's what Michael did. I don't want to be viewed as a weak person anymore. That means it doesn't matter how bad I feel or what I think I can't do that, but it makes it easier for me that nobody wants me back I guess.