Weekly Thought Stirring: Personalizing (public)
Personalizing a situation is when we assume some sort of blame or responsibility for it. Most survivors tend to over-personalize, feeling guilt or blame for situations that they had no fault in whatsoever.
So many abusers program us to believe that everything is our fault. If they had a horrible day at work, we are expected to know in advance, lest we trigger their anger. They tell us that their choice to abuse us is our fault. We can even be blamed for things we could never even have forseen, let alone been responsible for!
It can be hard to break that habit, to remember that not everything is our fault, but it's an important one in our recovery. If we can remember that when our friends are hurting, that it's not our fault (when it's not our fault, of course!), we can be better support for them. Though it's a difficult process to start, it's one that can ultimately free up a lot of extra energy for us all.
This week's questions are:
- Do you tend to personalize situations that are not your fault or responsibility?
- If so, when does this usually happen? Is it more with friends and family or more at work or school?
- Was there someone from your past who used to place extra blame on you?
Bonus question:
- How can you remind yourself not to over-personalize? How can you remind yourself that it's not your fault?
So many abusers program us to believe that everything is our fault. If they had a horrible day at work, we are expected to know in advance, lest we trigger their anger. They tell us that their choice to abuse us is our fault. We can even be blamed for things we could never even have forseen, let alone been responsible for!
It can be hard to break that habit, to remember that not everything is our fault, but it's an important one in our recovery. If we can remember that when our friends are hurting, that it's not our fault (when it's not our fault, of course!), we can be better support for them. Though it's a difficult process to start, it's one that can ultimately free up a lot of extra energy for us all.
This week's questions are:
- Do you tend to personalize situations that are not your fault or responsibility?
- If so, when does this usually happen? Is it more with friends and family or more at work or school?
- Was there someone from your past who used to place extra blame on you?
Bonus question:
- How can you remind yourself not to over-personalize? How can you remind yourself that it's not your fault?