(no subject)
I will not confront him. I will not get on the phone and tell him how he has affected me all these years. Paedophiles get off on that kind of thing. My aunt wants me to confront him so SHE can feel better about my abuse. I do not care how she feels at this point. For once in my life this is about ME. MY FEELINGS matter now. They never mattered to him. He had full control over my body and my soul and my emotions for 14 years. I will not let him control me by getting on the phone with him and reliving what he did to me. IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THE FIRST TIME THROUGH!!!
She is so convinced though that we are going to sit down and have a little family talk and poof, everything is going to be better. I hate to be the doubting-Thomas here, but guess what, the feelings I have after all this time are not going to go away. Even if he tells me he is sorry, I don't care. I know he is sorry, a sorry excusse for a human being. Paedophiles do not get a second chance in my book. There is no getting better, and suddenly not being a Paedophile anymore. Nope, once you start abusing, you are always going to have that label.
I have a busy work schedule this weekend, and I'm not going to have the physical energy, let alone the emotional energy to sit down and do this. I have been in recovery for almost 7 years now, but I don't think I can sit down and confront him. I don't think I want to. I am already the "black sheep" in the family, I don't want to be the reason the the family starts hating each other now. There is enough shit in this world that is my fault, I DON'T NEED ANYMORE ON ME!
She won't listen to me though. No one in the family has ever listened to me. My mom slapped me for lying when I was 12, because tried to tell. I learned quickly that no one cares what I am going through. I learned that the only people who act like they care, are usually out for their own personal gain.
Sorry this got so long...