Thought-Stirring Post: Self-Forgiveness
PUBLIC POST
As abuse survivors, we may have issues with self-blame. Carrying abuse-related guilt can serve as a defense mechanism in some ways if the survivor feels that it is less frightening to see him/herself as responsible for making some mistake than it is to see a parent or friend or significant other, etc. as truly dangerous. It can provide us with a false sense of control. It might be a way to explain to ourselves what would otherwise feel unexplainable.
But self-blame can also be terribly destructive and hurtful. It often has lasting effects on how we view ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we see the world. It can lead to self-injury, drug addiction, even suicide. Self-blame can feel like a tremendously heavy suitcase for a survivor who must carry it around with him or her everywhere he or she goes.
Working past self-blame is often a key step in recovery. It requires a lot of bravery and effort and is often a long process for many abuse survivors.
This week's questions are:
As abuse survivors, we may have issues with self-blame. Carrying abuse-related guilt can serve as a defense mechanism in some ways if the survivor feels that it is less frightening to see him/herself as responsible for making some mistake than it is to see a parent or friend or significant other, etc. as truly dangerous. It can provide us with a false sense of control. It might be a way to explain to ourselves what would otherwise feel unexplainable.
But self-blame can also be terribly destructive and hurtful. It often has lasting effects on how we view ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we see the world. It can lead to self-injury, drug addiction, even suicide. Self-blame can feel like a tremendously heavy suitcase for a survivor who must carry it around with him or her everywhere he or she goes.
Working past self-blame is often a key step in recovery. It requires a lot of bravery and effort and is often a long process for many abuse survivors.
This week's questions are:
- What do you blame yourself for regarding your abuse?
- What are you "achieving" via your own self-blame? (Does it help you explain your abuse? Is it connected to self-injury, etc.?)
- What things--words, books, people, poetry, experiences, etc.--have helped you to realize that the abuse--or even just pieces of your abuse history--was not your fault?
- How are you learning to forgive yourself?