oh... *minor detail* I was admitted to a mental hospital about a week ago because of a couple bouts of rage I had... after which I was pretty quickly released, because I'm able to surpress it very well. I never told them what was wrong, so they could never trigger me.
Two weeks ago, I realized I was raped two and a half years ago. This triggered some unstability, which climaxed a couple times, last sunday and monday. (see above)
sorry, that was pretty nonsensical. but... yeah. it's a feeling I get, that I have something hidden... and I want to find out what it is, because of this intense rage the rape provokes.
is that not fucked up or what? Our culture that thinks we should be institutionalized for expressing rage at having been raped. I think you sound pretty damn normal. It could just be that you are good at supressing it. While i was being raped by my boyfriend (but didn't know it was rape) i went to see a therapist because i was made to believe i had an irrational fear of sex (duh!). the therapist almost immediately said i would need intense therapy due to repressed memories i had of being molested as a child. i never was molested as a child. i was being raped right then. so, i would be very careful with this whole hypnotherapy thing. i seriously think that rage is a very normal response to a perceived threat and when triggered, that rage comes rushing right back. perhaps you need assistance in releasing it healthily, but please know that it is a healthy sign that you are experiencing it.
i'm not saying don't do it, but if your gut tells you you aren't ready for it listen up. if you totally trust your therapist, then it might be worth your while. i'm pissy and skeptical based on my own experience. i don't want to negatively influence yours.
yeah, I've got the most awesome therapist ever, so I trust her a whole bunch. partly, too, I've stopped fighting against psychotherapy... that took a long time itself.
Part of my problem, though, is that often the rage grows out of control, and if I don't turn it to others, I usually end up turning it to myself. It hasn't been a one-time thing.
I'm worried about the possiblility of false memories, too, so I'm hesitant. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II, and I'm not sure if that comes from outside circumstances or not... I guess I'll play it by ear.
Rage is a bitch of an emotion. I've only rarely had mine explode on other people. More often it was against myself (hence the icon :) thanks, by the way). I certainly wish you nothing but the best in your healing. Do you have a punching bag or something? Someone gave me some kickboxing pads to beat the hell out of and that helps a lot. I used to serve volleyballs overhand and imagine someone's face on it as I nailed it.
I'm just worried that you are judging yourself for experiencing rage. Not to say that it isn't helpful or necessary to have someone guide you into channeling it in a positive direction if it is "out of control" as you say. I dunno, I guess if all survivors were more comfortable expressing rage I think the statistics would change drastically in our favor..
I hope you find peace. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps.
(The comment has been removed)
Two weeks ago, I realized I was raped two and a half years ago. This triggered some unstability, which climaxed a couple times, last sunday and monday. (see above)
sorry, that was pretty nonsensical. but... yeah. it's a feeling I get, that I have something hidden... and I want to find out what it is, because of this intense rage the rape provokes.
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Part of my problem, though, is that often the rage grows out of control, and if I don't turn it to others, I usually end up turning it to myself. It hasn't been a one-time thing.
I'm worried about the possiblility of false memories, too, so I'm hesitant. Also, I've recently been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder II, and I'm not sure if that comes from outside circumstances or not... I guess I'll play it by ear.
*I love your icon.
Reply
I'm just worried that you are judging yourself for experiencing rage. Not to say that it isn't helpful or necessary to have someone guide you into channeling it in a positive direction if it is "out of control" as you say. I dunno, I guess if all survivors were more comfortable expressing rage I think the statistics would change drastically in our favor..
I hope you find peace. It sounds like you are taking all the right steps.
Reply
Leave a comment