Comments | _survivors_: Silence is Consent

sapphiremoon76 in _survivors_

Silence is Consent

Aug 29, 2007 01:58

A friend of mine tonight told me that she thinks killing dogs is worse than killing humans or raping women. She says women aren't defenseless but dogs are.

She's said other things about rape that make me furious, but since she has been a survivor herself, I have tried to deal with it. But, tonight, she went so far as to say a woman who drops a rape ( Read more... )

invalidation, victim-blaming

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not to be blunt, but... blueserenity22 August 29 2007, 15:17:49 UTC

FIRST: Don't have associations with that woman.

SECOND: I've told this story before, but I had a situation once where a guy had said that at least the girl had "learned her lesson (since/if) it hurt". I started yelling at him in the middle of the restaurant and threatened to mace him if he ever said something like that again.

So do I think you're over-reacting? No. :)

I have to disagree with eastertheatre on one point. Even if she apologized, I wouldn't be her friend again. Why? Because she's already made all of these hurtful decisions towards you, showing you that she doesn't respect you (by being friends with that other woman, and by her comments). I have a BIG thing with respect. A simple, "I'm sorry" wouldn't cut it with me. I'd just cut my losses.

However, I know not everyone's the same. I just hope you make the decision that will keep you safe and happy and balanced :) ♥

Re: not to be blunt, but... sapphiremoon76 August 29 2007, 18:21:44 UTC

Thanks for validating my feelings. I feel silly needing it, but this is almost the anniversary of the kidnapping and I just needed people who know what I'm going through to tell me I'm not being a bad friend. I don't think I can forgive her if she asks me to saying that she is a victim again -- that is what she has done every time this has come up. And I don't want to this time. Thanks for helping me toughen up. :)

Re: not to be blunt, but... blueserenity22 August 29 2007, 20:55:00 UTC

No, I understand and if you're unsure it always helps to get other people's perspectives :)

And she shouldn't be using the "victim" card. That's low. Especially when she's being detrimental to YOUR healing. That to me says that she just isn't a healthy person to be around.

Re: not to be blunt, but... sapphiremoon76 August 30 2007, 04:11:15 UTC

I hate the victim card too. She sent another text today saying "you wanted to pick a fight and you turned a fight about a dog into a fight about rape. its all about rape with you and your fine and i'm in crisis." and she said she'd never talk to me again and that she's tired of playing a game with no rules and good riddence to me. The rule seemed clear to me - that i don't hang out with rapists or their buddies. I turned off my phone with no intention of reading anymore when my mom called and said the cops had come and taken her away from work for felony warrants in Kentucky. (My mom works with her.)She's a fugitive for identity theft. Can you believe that? Maybe she and Michael Vick can be pen pals. Or Kobe.

Re: not to be blunt, but... blueserenity22 August 30 2007, 04:35:43 UTC

LOL!!! *cheers!!!* Gotta love karma!! :-D

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