(no subject)
Just random thoughts....
I'm hiding from a lot of people. I use the excuse that I'm tired, that I'd rather stay in, that I simply don't want to go out. Am i become a recluse? No wonder why i haven't been out on a date in what seems like ages. Like tonight, i gave the excuse that i couldn't get the car and therefore couldn't go over to his place tonight. I didn't even ask. And its not because i didn't want to go, i think its because I'm afraid of anything starting again. I've got to face the facts that my last couple attempts at a relationship haven't gone too well, and maybe this excuse phase of my life right now, this hiding, is trying to protect me from more possible exposure to hurt.
Its kind of sad. I can name off the top of my head right now 3 people who i keep turning down for various (sad) reasons. Whats wrong with me? why am i finding it harder and harder to drag myself out of the house to have a good time?
And i still haven't talked over this whole thing over with peter. mostly because i refused to see him last weekend (i was still way too angry), and this week we've both been busy and i won't drive down to see him about this, i won't waste the gas. Maybe we'll talk this weekend, if he comes back. I don't even know what im going to say to him anymore, i think i want to hear what he thinks of all this first before i even say anything.
I'm hiding from a lot of people. I use the excuse that I'm tired, that I'd rather stay in, that I simply don't want to go out. Am i become a recluse? No wonder why i haven't been out on a date in what seems like ages. Like tonight, i gave the excuse that i couldn't get the car and therefore couldn't go over to his place tonight. I didn't even ask. And its not because i didn't want to go, i think its because I'm afraid of anything starting again. I've got to face the facts that my last couple attempts at a relationship haven't gone too well, and maybe this excuse phase of my life right now, this hiding, is trying to protect me from more possible exposure to hurt.
Its kind of sad. I can name off the top of my head right now 3 people who i keep turning down for various (sad) reasons. Whats wrong with me? why am i finding it harder and harder to drag myself out of the house to have a good time?
And i still haven't talked over this whole thing over with peter. mostly because i refused to see him last weekend (i was still way too angry), and this week we've both been busy and i won't drive down to see him about this, i won't waste the gas. Maybe we'll talk this weekend, if he comes back. I don't even know what im going to say to him anymore, i think i want to hear what he thinks of all this first before i even say anything.