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I forgot to post about meeting David Sedaris last Saturday!
First off, I need to explain that I love David Sedaris for multiple reasons. The obvious reasons for loving him are his talent and the fact that he’s hilarious. But I also love him because Hejira, one of the short stories in Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, made me give the Joni Mitchell album of the same name another chance after writing it off as mediocre (it’s now my second favorite). Not only that, it made me feel like maybe I still have a chance of being successful and doing something great with my life despite my lack of motivation and passion for anything. He’s a huge inspiration to me.
In a nutshell, the story is about his parents kicking him out of their house when he was 22 years old after he had dropped out of 2 colleges and was living in their basement, sleeping until noon every day, getting stoned, and listening to Hejira on repeat. He thought they were kicking him out for being a loser. They were really kicking him out for being gay. Now he’s a best-selling writer. His life back then sounds remarkably like mine right now other than the fact that my parents haven’t kicked me out (yet) and that I’ve graduated from college and that I’m not a gay man.
But I digress.
He was at Davis Kidd for a reading and signing of his latest book Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk, so naturally, I had to go. Dakotah and I got there about an hour before it was supposed to start and I finally bought the book to reserve my place in the signing line. After looking around for a while, I went to the bathroom to brush my hair and stuff. When I came out to find a spot to sit/stand for the reading, he was already walking around talking to people and signing books. I had a mini freak out/heart attack and patiently waited as he made his way around the circle of people in the sitting area. I heard him asking everyone the same questions like “What do you do for a living?” and “Do you know any jokes?” I searched my mind frantically for what I would say when it was my turn to talk to him. I was too nervous to remember any jokes and I didn’t want to tell him that I worked at a dead end job even though I was sure he would understand. I laughed quietly at all of the jokes I heard him tell to the people around me…and quietly started to panic.
Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), I was behind a few people as he was going around the circle causing him to skip me. I thought he would still get to me before the reading until I noticed that a long line had formed around me. By that time, I turned around and noticed Leslie. I motioned for her to come and stand with me and we decided to go ahead and sit down since we obviously wouldn’t have the chance to talk to him before the reading started. We plopped down on the floor in the front row as close as we could get to his lectern and desk. The reading started at 3 and it was pretty much everything I had expected and more. Don’t get me wrong, reading David Sedaris is fun because his stories are a riot. But hearing him read his own stories is something special. It’s something about his voice and the way that he reads that just makes them 10 times funnier. If you want to check him out, try an audio book first. Anyway, he read the title story from Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk and a few pages from his diary. He also recommended a book called Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned that sounds awesome. After the reading he let people ask questions and then started the line.
Leslie had an “A group” line ticket since she bought the book the day it came out and I had a “G group” line ticket since I bought it that day. I took the time I had to wait to catch up with a friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in well over a year. He and his girlfriend were in the “G group” as well. I was expected to be waiting all night when a Davis Kidd employee came up to me and asked, “Are you Megan? Leslie’s friend?” My eyes got wide and I said “Yes…” Then she told me to follow her to the front of the line. I feel like sort of a bitch thinking back to that moment because I didn’t even look back to say goodbye. I just followed her, feeling a lot like a person who gets to skip a whole line at a popular night club because they’re on “the list.” People were probably glaring at me, completely jealous, because I know I would have been.
When I got to the front of the line, I just wanted to hug Leslie! I found out later that she had saved me from waiting in that line for 6 HOURS. I’m eternally grateful to her. He had already signed her book and given her sample shampoo from The Peabody where he was staying. I think he had seen us together since we were sitting in the front row and had asked her who she had brought with her to the signing. She name dropped me and he told the employees to go find me on Leslie’s ultra-specific description of “a tall, blonde girl with glasses.”
When I put my books on the table he asked for my name and I said it and spelled it for him. He asked if I knew any jokes and I said “Well, I normally would, but I can’t think of any right now because I’m sort of nervous. Remember when you said during the reading that you don’t do well meeting people you admire? Well, I’m the exact same way.”
So he said, “Well…how would you feel if the person you admired gave you………….BODY LOTION!” And he pulled a sample bottle of Peabody Lotion out of a bag behind the desk and handed it to me. “GREAT! Thanks!” It definitely eased some of the tension a little bit.
I proceeded to tell him that the story Hejira reminded me a lot of myself right now because I’m the same age as he was in the story, I live with my parents, get high all the time, and listen to Joni Mitchell over and over again. And even though I actually graduated from college, I’m sort of a loser right now. And I said that standing there and talking to him gave me hope that things would get better since he had been in the same boat and now he was sitting in front of a 7 hour long line of people waiting to get a signed copy of a book he wrote.
He asked what I studied in college and I told him that I double majored in Journalism and Spanish. I think that piqued his interest because he seems like he loves to talk about learning languages. He told me that he had 5 words that would guarantee my success. Then he proceeded to tell me a story from when he was in Spain on a book tour about hearing a Spanish prostitute in the hotel room next door yelling “Dame tu leche, papito!” I laughed before he even translated it. I got to hear David Sedaris say “Give me your milk, little daddy” in Spanish and English. Then he told me that those words would get me far in life and open doors in my career. “Abre puertas,” we both said. I laughed and Leslie and I walked away.
When I looked in my books I saw that he had drawn an owl and signed his name in one and had written “Your story has toughened my heart,” in the other one. That didn’t even really make sense to me. Leslie told me later that he had intended to write “Your story has touched my heart,” but he accidentally wrote a “g” instead of a “c” and he had to think of another word to put there instead on the spot.
Overall, I’m really happy with how the day turned out and I don’t think I would change anything about it because it was great. :)