10 things i want to say to 10 people
1. I'm listing 10 things you want to say to 10 people
2. Don't ask me who each number belongs to. I will neither confirm nor deny your suspicions.
3. Don't repost this asking people to do it for themselves. That's lame.
1. You're becoming dangerous to yourself and it's painful to watch. You don't understand what's happening to you, and I highly doubt that you're even aware of what's really going on. I wish there were some way for us to help you, but at this point it's really too late. None of us ever suspected you'd end up like your sister, but sadly enough you're following in her footsteps. It's not your fault, but I just wish everything were somehow better for you. And I hate myself for not having the patience to interact with you sometimes. I normally don't use the words "I love you" very often, but lately you've been saying them to me, and as hard as it is for me to say those words, I've been returning them. I think you need to hear them. They ease your mind. And if I can't always treat you the way you deserve to be, at least I can make things just a little bit easier for you by letting you know that you are loved.
2. I'm extremely glad we started talking over the past year. You're one of the few reasons I still believe that heterosexual teenaged males aren't just the equivalent to the pupae stage of the insect life cycle in which they serve no purpose until they finally mature and can enter society as functioning members. And you assisted in keeping me mildly sane over the past year, which is actually saying quite a bit. Thanks.
3. I never meant to hurt you. I made a mistake. A huge, irreversible mistake, the consequences of which I cannot rectify. I had no idea it would take on a life of its own and make the transition from being what I thought was just one simple, impulsive moment to being something that was extremely difficult for you to deal with. I'm sorry.
4. I'm aware that I'm accountable for part of what went wrong in our relationship. I know I shouldn't have gotten intimate with you while I was vaguely aware of your feelings toward me. However, you're mostly to blame. You didn't want to accept what I had to offer, because it didn't meet your foolishly idealistic standards for what you thought marked a good friendship. I didn't love you, but it doesn't mean that I was a bad friend. I tried to make it work, but you stressed me out so much that I just had to give up. Eventually communication with you even became too much to deal with. I tried my very hardest to be understanding, and I don't think you realized or appreciated this. I couldn't give my 100% undivided attention to you because I had issues myself to work on, and I finally came to the conclusion that while you kept trying to make me feel guilty for no reason at all, I couldn't continue a relationship with you. Otherwise I'd never make any progress on myself. I'm still extremely resentful for all this and I doubt we will ever return to what we once were. And this doesn't bother me.
5. I never anticipated that I was going to turn you gay.
6. You're my very best friend in the entire world, whether you realize it or not. I love you like a family member (possibly because we are pseudo-related) and cannot express to you the gratitude I feel for having you in my life. And I'm still sorry for some of the events in the ancient history of our friendship. You know which ones. Thank you for always being there and for always reminding me that at the end of the day, someone will always be there for me, willing to listen to my bitching, no matter how tired, irritated, or preoccupied they may be. I love you.
7. I'm absolutely appalled at myself for investing so much of my time into something that was so pointless and unhealthy. Honestly, what the fuck was I thinking? As if you could have meant anything to me other than sexual gratification. How could I have ever even thought that, even though those ideas were running through my head for only a brief period of time. I'm glad I realized this before I got in completely over my head, which for a while, I ran the risk of doing. I still haven't COMPLETELY recovered. And it's not that you even inflicted harm on me. All the damage was done by my own hands. I find it absurd that I feel undeniable anger toward you, seeing as you never actually did anything wrong. Mainly, I'm still bitter because I never got with you.
8. You don't understand what "Donnie Darko" is about, so please stop trying to explain it to people who do. You're just making yourself look like an asshole when you attempt to. And you're far too cool and intelligent to look like an asshole.
9. You're the reason I'm so insecure. You're the reason I developed an eating disorder. You're the reason I became disturbingly self conscious as a fucking nine year old. You're the reason I would spend my time in the classroom comparing myself to others, sizing myself up, and consequently feeling worthless. You're the reason for my image problem. You're part of the reason I feel so fucked up all the time. You're the reason I've sat in front of a mirror, literally hating myself because of what I saw in the reflection. You're the reason people call me vain, superficial, whiny, and narcisisstic. They don't understand, and neither did you. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that I'll never have to deal with you again. Fuck you.
10. I'm glad that you thought the drunken voicemail was a joke. Because when I tell you I love you, I want to mean it, and I want you to take it seriously. I can't pinpoint when I started have feelings for you; all I know is that it happenned and that every waking moment I can't spend interacting with you tortures me just a little bit. I highly doubt that I'll ever tell you all of this, and it will continue to kill me.
2. Don't ask me who each number belongs to. I will neither confirm nor deny your suspicions.
3. Don't repost this asking people to do it for themselves. That's lame.
1. You're becoming dangerous to yourself and it's painful to watch. You don't understand what's happening to you, and I highly doubt that you're even aware of what's really going on. I wish there were some way for us to help you, but at this point it's really too late. None of us ever suspected you'd end up like your sister, but sadly enough you're following in her footsteps. It's not your fault, but I just wish everything were somehow better for you. And I hate myself for not having the patience to interact with you sometimes. I normally don't use the words "I love you" very often, but lately you've been saying them to me, and as hard as it is for me to say those words, I've been returning them. I think you need to hear them. They ease your mind. And if I can't always treat you the way you deserve to be, at least I can make things just a little bit easier for you by letting you know that you are loved.
2. I'm extremely glad we started talking over the past year. You're one of the few reasons I still believe that heterosexual teenaged males aren't just the equivalent to the pupae stage of the insect life cycle in which they serve no purpose until they finally mature and can enter society as functioning members. And you assisted in keeping me mildly sane over the past year, which is actually saying quite a bit. Thanks.
3. I never meant to hurt you. I made a mistake. A huge, irreversible mistake, the consequences of which I cannot rectify. I had no idea it would take on a life of its own and make the transition from being what I thought was just one simple, impulsive moment to being something that was extremely difficult for you to deal with. I'm sorry.
4. I'm aware that I'm accountable for part of what went wrong in our relationship. I know I shouldn't have gotten intimate with you while I was vaguely aware of your feelings toward me. However, you're mostly to blame. You didn't want to accept what I had to offer, because it didn't meet your foolishly idealistic standards for what you thought marked a good friendship. I didn't love you, but it doesn't mean that I was a bad friend. I tried to make it work, but you stressed me out so much that I just had to give up. Eventually communication with you even became too much to deal with. I tried my very hardest to be understanding, and I don't think you realized or appreciated this. I couldn't give my 100% undivided attention to you because I had issues myself to work on, and I finally came to the conclusion that while you kept trying to make me feel guilty for no reason at all, I couldn't continue a relationship with you. Otherwise I'd never make any progress on myself. I'm still extremely resentful for all this and I doubt we will ever return to what we once were. And this doesn't bother me.
5. I never anticipated that I was going to turn you gay.
6. You're my very best friend in the entire world, whether you realize it or not. I love you like a family member (possibly because we are pseudo-related) and cannot express to you the gratitude I feel for having you in my life. And I'm still sorry for some of the events in the ancient history of our friendship. You know which ones. Thank you for always being there and for always reminding me that at the end of the day, someone will always be there for me, willing to listen to my bitching, no matter how tired, irritated, or preoccupied they may be. I love you.
7. I'm absolutely appalled at myself for investing so much of my time into something that was so pointless and unhealthy. Honestly, what the fuck was I thinking? As if you could have meant anything to me other than sexual gratification. How could I have ever even thought that, even though those ideas were running through my head for only a brief period of time. I'm glad I realized this before I got in completely over my head, which for a while, I ran the risk of doing. I still haven't COMPLETELY recovered. And it's not that you even inflicted harm on me. All the damage was done by my own hands. I find it absurd that I feel undeniable anger toward you, seeing as you never actually did anything wrong. Mainly, I'm still bitter because I never got with you.
8. You don't understand what "Donnie Darko" is about, so please stop trying to explain it to people who do. You're just making yourself look like an asshole when you attempt to. And you're far too cool and intelligent to look like an asshole.
9. You're the reason I'm so insecure. You're the reason I developed an eating disorder. You're the reason I became disturbingly self conscious as a fucking nine year old. You're the reason I would spend my time in the classroom comparing myself to others, sizing myself up, and consequently feeling worthless. You're the reason for my image problem. You're part of the reason I feel so fucked up all the time. You're the reason I've sat in front of a mirror, literally hating myself because of what I saw in the reflection. You're the reason people call me vain, superficial, whiny, and narcisisstic. They don't understand, and neither did you. I can't tell you how thrilled I am that I'll never have to deal with you again. Fuck you.
10. I'm glad that you thought the drunken voicemail was a joke. Because when I tell you I love you, I want to mean it, and I want you to take it seriously. I can't pinpoint when I started have feelings for you; all I know is that it happenned and that every waking moment I can't spend interacting with you tortures me just a little bit. I highly doubt that I'll ever tell you all of this, and it will continue to kill me.