(no subject)
I am trying to give up my eating disorder.
Which sounds about a million times easier than it is. I had gotten so used to having nothing in me all the time that EATING and DIGESTING and DERIVING NUTRIENTS FROM FOOD is enough to actually make me cry. My anxiety came back with a vengeance, and I can get about thirty minutes into a class before I start to panic.
What I am trying to say, is this would be easier if I could see some benefit to recovery. I'm still hungry and cranky and tired, the only difference is that now I'm all that, and bloated with food, too.
Which sounds about a million times easier than it is. I had gotten so used to having nothing in me all the time that EATING and DIGESTING and DERIVING NUTRIENTS FROM FOOD is enough to actually make me cry. My anxiety came back with a vengeance, and I can get about thirty minutes into a class before I start to panic.
What I am trying to say, is this would be easier if I could see some benefit to recovery. I'm still hungry and cranky and tired, the only difference is that now I'm all that, and bloated with food, too.