when everything feels like the movies...

[_stoptheworld_]

This post is going to be confusing. forewarned.
I'm worried that I'm reverting backwards in time.
I'm worried that I'm not good enough.
I'm worried that I'll never amount to what everyone expects of me.
I'm worried that it won't last.

I'm frustrated with my mindset.
I'm frustrated with my family.
I'm frustrated with you.
I'm frustrated with myself.

I'm feeling the heat and it's wonderful.
But I'm not so sure I can handle it...

___________________________________

I miss you.
Every second.
of every day.
role model.
my rock.
I miss you.
frequently.
I feel your presence.
Around every unexplored corner.
my soul sister.
I miss you.
sometimes.
when I realize how much you haven't been here.
mentally absent.
along all the times I reached out for you.
for your help.
my blood.
I miss you.
never.
everything you've placed upon my unexpecting shoulders.
you and you and you.
3 bads.
never surmounting to anything but torment.
hole in my heart.
no tears left.
my horrors.

_____________________________________

It feels good to type this out.