(NOTE: NOT a cry for comments..... save it)
it seems like no matter what i do i cant be happy. i try. i really do. i feel like im in one of those horrible movies where you yell at the character to smarten up and do things different.... im the character in the movie making bad decisions and not learning from them. i realize that the things i blow up about are small. but thats how i react to things. sometimes i just need a break. and i realize that i have it VERY easy with Sophie. but it seems like i only have her when shes fussy. when shes all cute and happy everyone in the world wants to play with her.. but as soon as she starts crying, or has a dirty diaper or spits up, she gets passed to me and thats when i get to see her. sometimes i just want a relaxing night out with friends or something and not have to worry about getting home to get soph to bed, or to relieve my parents of babysitting duty. but no matter how i arranged it, i couldnt just have a relaxing night out. First of all because i have no friends anymore. and thats fine, because if i had to do it all over again.. i wouldnt change a thing (sophie-wise) secondly, because i have NO money to do things. and third, nothing in my life is relaxed anymore.
another thing that bothers me is, i let people who dont matter one bit get to me. still to this day i cry about some of the hurtful and rude comments made to me and about me while i was pregnant or right after i had sophie. i know, i shouldnt let it borhter me... but people who know NOTHING about me said some of the worst things about me, and not one person has apoligized or taken back what they said. not that it would matter.... but i'm an emotional person and it gets to me. there are about 5 people i still to this day want nothing to do with, and if i ever see the mother fuckers who said some things i wont hold back. i have no problem telling each and every person how i really feel about them. the ones that bother me the most are the people that SMH still talks to.... because it bothers me that people could say such hateful things about me TO HIM and its ok. if people said things that were so far from the truth about him, i would have stuck up for him and immediatly stopped being "friends" with them. im not getting anymore into anything tonight.... i feel like shit ALWAYS...
please dont leave your asshole "dont care, but i feel like commenting" comment
good day
another thing that bothers me is, i let people who dont matter one bit get to me. still to this day i cry about some of the hurtful and rude comments made to me and about me while i was pregnant or right after i had sophie. i know, i shouldnt let it borhter me... but people who know NOTHING about me said some of the worst things about me, and not one person has apoligized or taken back what they said. not that it would matter.... but i'm an emotional person and it gets to me. there are about 5 people i still to this day want nothing to do with, and if i ever see the mother fuckers who said some things i wont hold back. i have no problem telling each and every person how i really feel about them. the ones that bother me the most are the people that SMH still talks to.... because it bothers me that people could say such hateful things about me TO HIM and its ok. if people said things that were so far from the truth about him, i would have stuck up for him and immediatly stopped being "friends" with them. im not getting anymore into anything tonight.... i feel like shit ALWAYS...
please dont leave your asshole "dont care, but i feel like commenting" comment
good day