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[_stddance]

I just found out tonight that someone whom I had talked with for so many hours of the day over the last few years, died in February

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[_stddance]

Ugh. This whole thing to come home to has made me physically fucking sick. I can't believe you think I would fucking FAKE how I feel over someone's death. That's so fucking low. If you think that, seriously stop talking to me.

[_stddance]

What the hell are you talking about? Do you mean when I talked about Steve Irwin and George Harrison dying? I say "most compassionate person" in an obvious blank statement for the both of them, but I think what I'm trying to get across gets across. That they were incredibly kind souls, and so was she. Then again, maybe you'd have had to know her

[_stddance]

Whoops. I also mention Layne Staley dying, in defense to everyone always remembering Kurt Cobain's death, yet not someone who died a couple years later to the date. And it was along the lines of "Fuck Kurt Cobain, Layne Stayley died too." Yeah. Whatever, Tanasha. I don't know. If you want to be this way, then be this way, but I'm through defending how I feel to you. Nothing good is going to come of it.

[_stddance]

As for this most compassionate "person" shit. Let me paint this out for you, since you think I don't fucking mean any of it. I feel no need to explain shit further in my journal when I'm mourning over someone's death. I don't feel like I need to say WHY they are the way that I feel they were. I feel the need to express what it is that's on my mind. There have been THREE people that I cried for instantly when I heard of their deaths, in my life. My grandmother, Steve Irwin, and Liz would have been tears if I could have cried them. Alright? She was the most compassionate FRIEND in my life. Yes, if I had to weigh things on levels, I'd say definitely a lot more compassionate than you. But I don't like to weigh shit on levels. Saying she was "the most compassionate person," to me, means, she was so admirable. It does not mean, THE - ONLY - ONE, which you obviously seem to take it as. Maybe I should say "One of the most," but I don't think that shit when I just find out that someone that I've been talking to for three years has finally lost

[_stddance]

I don't do that. You WERE the most compassionate person that I had ever met, but she is on another level entirely. She had been through so much shit in her whole life, and she was always so positive and optimistic about everything. She had health problems at every single corner that she walked into, but had the most hope in the world. She was so giving, and thought of absolutely everybody before herself.

I've told the above mentioned to her before, a lot of times. A LOT. I wish I had the conversations or telephone calls that we had where I mentioned that, too... because she was the most modest fucking person I've ever met, too. All I'm saying is, anybody in her life knows what such a loss and hole they have there now. She wasn't in my life, physically, but I can imagine if she were that it'd be for a huge benefit.