(no subject)
well, it's been months since i wrote in this. i've been too busy sleeping and wasting my days with kool aid and roseanne reruns.
life..well, it's alright. things have been going so fast yet so slow at the same time. I've sorta reached a state where i'm in the 'blah' mood permanently. I get off adderall tomorrow so i can finally have a sence of freedom for the summer.
Summer, yes, summer. that beautiful six letter word that brings a slight grin to everyone's faces. junior year is over. that's fucking scary but im looking forward to senior year. it's just another chapter in the "life of lauren" book, a step forward to finally having my own life. and it feels damn good.
This year changed alot of things about me. I'm not nearly as naive as i was one year ago. I learned to be myself, whoever that may be. I learned that relationships, well..they suck. People cheat, then lie, then apologize, then talk shit, lie some more, be fake, then poop on your car(heh, true story). I've also learned that since that boy, i've had a huge commitment and trust issue with the opposite sex. i've gone through about 6 boys since him (no, i am not bragging)and i either fucked it up or lead them on. or both. so i think i'm stopping that now. it only leads to trouble, mayhem, and broken hearts. besides, i've learned that life is to short for stupid petty bullshit like that.
i've grown to be more intouch with the inner lauren and that i don't need my friends, even though i love them to deathandallthatshit, to back me up with everything i do in my own life. i just need them to smile and agree with me even if they are thinking about how fucked up the decision is that i am making.
friends, another huge topic in my life, i've lost a few friendships that i used to value and gained alot more in losing the others. i just stopped caring really, i guess not caring goes hand in hand with the whole "blah" mood thing. but whatever.
I find myself saying "you only live once," to myself alot recently. If I only learned one thing from my best friend (still)and cousin's life, that little modo would be it. That and that skateboarding should be taken seriously. I miss J so much its disgusting. but i guess that its only normal. He was, for a long time, the only reason i liked my family and he was the only one who could convince me to do anything. i mean that to - he could tell me to eat shit and i would. but since him, i've grown stronger. it's almost like, after he passed, half of his strength and integretity went into me. and for that i am extremely thankful.
Hmm..what else. Ah yes, the liscence and my beautiful sex beast of a vehicle. I love that jeep more than anything and i don't think anyone and i mean anyone praises the jeep company like i do. hah, yeah the gas money sucks but it's worth it.
I've picked up skating again and i think this time i'm gonna stick to it. maybe one day get sponsered like J did. But, for that to happen i'll need to pick up some better skills. But i'm pretty sure i can do it.
Also, i'm taking a shit load of art classes this summer and i have already started my portfolio for college. so thats a step forward, right?
So that's basically what Lauren M.T. Clark has been up to. And what i'm going to be up to:
-get my nose peirced tomorrow
-effin partying, fools.
-skating,skating
-road trips
and that's it. i figure it's the last summer where i don't have to worry about colleges and shit. so i might as well live it up.
anyway, i'm out.
life..well, it's alright. things have been going so fast yet so slow at the same time. I've sorta reached a state where i'm in the 'blah' mood permanently. I get off adderall tomorrow so i can finally have a sence of freedom for the summer.
Summer, yes, summer. that beautiful six letter word that brings a slight grin to everyone's faces. junior year is over. that's fucking scary but im looking forward to senior year. it's just another chapter in the "life of lauren" book, a step forward to finally having my own life. and it feels damn good.
This year changed alot of things about me. I'm not nearly as naive as i was one year ago. I learned to be myself, whoever that may be. I learned that relationships, well..they suck. People cheat, then lie, then apologize, then talk shit, lie some more, be fake, then poop on your car(heh, true story). I've also learned that since that boy, i've had a huge commitment and trust issue with the opposite sex. i've gone through about 6 boys since him (no, i am not bragging)and i either fucked it up or lead them on. or both. so i think i'm stopping that now. it only leads to trouble, mayhem, and broken hearts. besides, i've learned that life is to short for stupid petty bullshit like that.
i've grown to be more intouch with the inner lauren and that i don't need my friends, even though i love them to deathandallthatshit, to back me up with everything i do in my own life. i just need them to smile and agree with me even if they are thinking about how fucked up the decision is that i am making.
friends, another huge topic in my life, i've lost a few friendships that i used to value and gained alot more in losing the others. i just stopped caring really, i guess not caring goes hand in hand with the whole "blah" mood thing. but whatever.
I find myself saying "you only live once," to myself alot recently. If I only learned one thing from my best friend (still)and cousin's life, that little modo would be it. That and that skateboarding should be taken seriously. I miss J so much its disgusting. but i guess that its only normal. He was, for a long time, the only reason i liked my family and he was the only one who could convince me to do anything. i mean that to - he could tell me to eat shit and i would. but since him, i've grown stronger. it's almost like, after he passed, half of his strength and integretity went into me. and for that i am extremely thankful.
Hmm..what else. Ah yes, the liscence and my beautiful sex beast of a vehicle. I love that jeep more than anything and i don't think anyone and i mean anyone praises the jeep company like i do. hah, yeah the gas money sucks but it's worth it.
I've picked up skating again and i think this time i'm gonna stick to it. maybe one day get sponsered like J did. But, for that to happen i'll need to pick up some better skills. But i'm pretty sure i can do it.
Also, i'm taking a shit load of art classes this summer and i have already started my portfolio for college. so thats a step forward, right?
So that's basically what Lauren M.T. Clark has been up to. And what i'm going to be up to:
-get my nose peirced tomorrow
-effin partying, fools.
-skating,skating
-road trips
and that's it. i figure it's the last summer where i don't have to worry about colleges and shit. so i might as well live it up.
anyway, i'm out.