(no subject)
terribly sorry for lack of updates/comments. my computer has a ridiculous amount of viruses. no joke.
plus i'm grounded. actually. i'm not. my parents decided to tell me i'm grounded last night, then take it back and tell me I wasn’t grounded. So I could actually be out with ben and other people bowling. But I’m not. I’m stuck here. so i decided i have enough time to write in here, even if the computer breaks down. i have had a lot of random thoughts lately, organized by paragraph. dont judge me. they're just thoughts.
have you ever known a person that is really cool for like, a week? but then after that week you just want them to go away because they seem really pointless and are just always around (this isnt directed towards any of you, you dont know the person) whether you like it or not? well, if you dont, its a sucky feeling.
05 is leaving. no joke. i hate it when they count down. i really do. "woohoo ten days until i never see you again". *sarcasm*. those kids are like my oxygen tank. ben is my boyfriend, and I’m probably going do just about die when he leaves, jenny and allison are my best friends. I dreaded prom, I dreaded the ‘end of senior year’. I hated thinking about what it really meant, even though I had fun. i hate how it feels like i've drifted from other friends. i really do, but it seems kind of uncontrollable. i just want to have a good last few days with them, but i'm kind of scared my other good friends wont "take me back".
I wish i had a really good group of close friends. like, an actual posse. not all girls, not all guys, but evenly distributed. same age, so no one leaves, and no fights. oh, and we'd all have a "hang out" spot. yes. i want a sitcom life. i dunno. i just hate how all my friends hate eachother. (but i do love my friends). I feel like if i go do something with one group, i'm leaving out the other group. and if i combine, i'm screwed. lives would be at stake.
Spring show is going on. I'm not going. its this time of year that i start missing dance the most. i miss leaping. and streching. and tapping, making music with my feet. i still get happy feet, it you watch me. (which is kinda creepy but whatever). heck. i miss learning about correct posture, and impossible turns. i miss it so bad. its not like baseball or basket ball or football.... you cant just go play it with your friends. sometimes i go outside and practice in my garage when i'm really stressed. just to feel really good, becuase i'm the best at it, and the worst.... because i'm the only one there.
I’ve been really sad lately. But I don’t know why. Not at school. Its really weird, and I don’t know how to explain it. Every time ben calls or krys calls or tessa, they always think I’m crying. I just feel down. I don’t know why, and its starting to make me mad. It just seems to feel like the world is spinning and I cant stop it. I have no control over anything. It feels like no matter how hard I try (*cough*’rents*cough*) I just cant do anything right.
About banquet. My parents aren’t going. I know their absence isn’t a big deal or anything, but it’s a really big day. Not for me, but for them. My dad finds out about his surgery on that day, and how much they’re going to slit his throat. He got MRIs in his chest and neck today. That really scares me. His chest=his heart. No bueno. Just like last year, I’m probably going to be a complete emotional wreck. Pray for ben, he’s going to have to put up with me on the way there.
That’s pretty much whats gone through my head since I’ve updated last. Oh, and I need to figure out how to hook my camera up so I can show ya’ll Chicago/random/prom pictures. Unless you’ve already seen them. In that case, yeah.
plus i'm grounded. actually. i'm not. my parents decided to tell me i'm grounded last night, then take it back and tell me I wasn’t grounded. So I could actually be out with ben and other people bowling. But I’m not. I’m stuck here. so i decided i have enough time to write in here, even if the computer breaks down. i have had a lot of random thoughts lately, organized by paragraph. dont judge me. they're just thoughts.
have you ever known a person that is really cool for like, a week? but then after that week you just want them to go away because they seem really pointless and are just always around (this isnt directed towards any of you, you dont know the person) whether you like it or not? well, if you dont, its a sucky feeling.
05 is leaving. no joke. i hate it when they count down. i really do. "woohoo ten days until i never see you again". *sarcasm*. those kids are like my oxygen tank. ben is my boyfriend, and I’m probably going do just about die when he leaves, jenny and allison are my best friends. I dreaded prom, I dreaded the ‘end of senior year’. I hated thinking about what it really meant, even though I had fun. i hate how it feels like i've drifted from other friends. i really do, but it seems kind of uncontrollable. i just want to have a good last few days with them, but i'm kind of scared my other good friends wont "take me back".
I wish i had a really good group of close friends. like, an actual posse. not all girls, not all guys, but evenly distributed. same age, so no one leaves, and no fights. oh, and we'd all have a "hang out" spot. yes. i want a sitcom life. i dunno. i just hate how all my friends hate eachother. (but i do love my friends). I feel like if i go do something with one group, i'm leaving out the other group. and if i combine, i'm screwed. lives would be at stake.
Spring show is going on. I'm not going. its this time of year that i start missing dance the most. i miss leaping. and streching. and tapping, making music with my feet. i still get happy feet, it you watch me. (which is kinda creepy but whatever). heck. i miss learning about correct posture, and impossible turns. i miss it so bad. its not like baseball or basket ball or football.... you cant just go play it with your friends. sometimes i go outside and practice in my garage when i'm really stressed. just to feel really good, becuase i'm the best at it, and the worst.... because i'm the only one there.
I’ve been really sad lately. But I don’t know why. Not at school. Its really weird, and I don’t know how to explain it. Every time ben calls or krys calls or tessa, they always think I’m crying. I just feel down. I don’t know why, and its starting to make me mad. It just seems to feel like the world is spinning and I cant stop it. I have no control over anything. It feels like no matter how hard I try (*cough*’rents*cough*) I just cant do anything right.
About banquet. My parents aren’t going. I know their absence isn’t a big deal or anything, but it’s a really big day. Not for me, but for them. My dad finds out about his surgery on that day, and how much they’re going to slit his throat. He got MRIs in his chest and neck today. That really scares me. His chest=his heart. No bueno. Just like last year, I’m probably going to be a complete emotional wreck. Pray for ben, he’s going to have to put up with me on the way there.
That’s pretty much whats gone through my head since I’ve updated last. Oh, and I need to figure out how to hook my camera up so I can show ya’ll Chicago/random/prom pictures. Unless you’ve already seen them. In that case, yeah.