(no subject)
I am 20 years old and I feel older than anyone I know. I am ready for my life to begin. I am ready to stop hating myself. I never really realized that i hate myself until my sister told me that she prays everynight for me to love myself. I don't want to die I want to live. I want to be happy. My whole life i have never been anyones favorite. No one has ever put me before someone else. No one knows that every night as my tears go down the drain in the shower so does a part of me.
I believe I have psychological problems. I don't want to be somebody I'm not for people to like me. My whole life I have been putting on a show so that people will accept me. No one sees my depression. Even those who have been depressed themselves. I have never let anyone know who I really am. I am the most ordinary person there is. I have no talents. I have mediocre intelligence. There is nothg about my personality that stands out in a good way.
Everytime I feel that I can't take my life anymore I move away to try to start over. It never works out or I wouldn't have moved so much. I understand my flaws, but I see no positive aspects of myself.
i believe that I am starting to see the world as it really is. I really can't seem to open my eyes to the good, but I am open to the negative.
So many things have happened in my life that I have let no one know. I understand taht those things are a big cause of why I am the way I am. I know all the psychological reasons for why I look at the world the way I do.
I never let anyone close enough. I can't. It is not my choice. I crave abuse and degradation.
I read books and wish that it was that easy to get my feelings out. I wish I could paint a picture of all the torment I feel. I am not artistic. I am not talented.
I want someone to understand me. I want someone to hear me.
I believe I have psychological problems. I don't want to be somebody I'm not for people to like me. My whole life I have been putting on a show so that people will accept me. No one sees my depression. Even those who have been depressed themselves. I have never let anyone know who I really am. I am the most ordinary person there is. I have no talents. I have mediocre intelligence. There is nothg about my personality that stands out in a good way.
Everytime I feel that I can't take my life anymore I move away to try to start over. It never works out or I wouldn't have moved so much. I understand my flaws, but I see no positive aspects of myself.
i believe that I am starting to see the world as it really is. I really can't seem to open my eyes to the good, but I am open to the negative.
So many things have happened in my life that I have let no one know. I understand taht those things are a big cause of why I am the way I am. I know all the psychological reasons for why I look at the world the way I do.
I never let anyone close enough. I can't. It is not my choice. I crave abuse and degradation.
I read books and wish that it was that easy to get my feelings out. I wish I could paint a picture of all the torment I feel. I am not artistic. I am not talented.
I want someone to understand me. I want someone to hear me.