This is the way it was supposed to be.
I have nothing to do, I'm actually so bored. And Im really unsatisfied lately. it seems to me that:
-I've felt ugly all week, every time I look in the mirror it gets worse
-I've felt fat all week and I really want to lose weight, its so hard I need to I know I do. I am getting so fat.
-Everyone eles is so much prettier then me. I'm the ugly ducking, my friends are georgous. they make me feel ugly.
-Im scared that im not "Pretty" enough for him, maybe theres someone out there whos 10x's prettier then me that he wants.
-I am getting zits. I know that sounds stupid, but I usually barely ever have zits, and if I do its one or two. Right now my whole inbetween my eye brows is feeling zitty, I know people say "oh whatever I can only see like 2" but I see way more then that.
-I hate makeup, I hate it so much, but if I didn't wear it, I would be HIDIOUS. I need cover up my skin tones are so uneven, and I put more and more on until i'm satisfied, but it always seems to me like its too much. I hate it so much.
-I need to buy new clothes. I have like, none. I need zip ups, badley. Ones that fit me nicely, I have a long torso, so everything is usually short on me, it sucks.
-I'm scared that people leave me once someone better comes along-i don't feel like I am good enough for everyone like, I feel like I'm a big big loser.
-I think I need better self estem, I want to feel so prety for just one day, I want my zits to go away, and I want someone to make me feel pretty just one day.. ONE!
bah, I ramble to much.
I wish I could go back to garde 9 or even when I didn't know what love was, none of my friends did and I miss those sleepovers where you would try and stay up all night and talk about those hot older boys and even have some of them on msn and if they talked to u, u were the coolest. Or those times when your parents had to drive you to the mall. cuase of course you couldn't drive back then. Those times when writtin notes were "Cool" and if you got one you felt so good about yourself. Those times when you'd walk by the older boys at school but sometimes you would advoide going that way becuase you were way to scared. Those times when you wouldn't go to school alone, cuase god forbid walking up those stairs alone, that was scary. those times when everyone was your friend, and everyone was scrambling around trying so hard to fit in, before you knew who your real friends actually were. those times before you knew what teenage drama actually was. Times when having a boy put his arm around you was the end of the world. Times when you met that boy in your social class that became your best friend. Times when you never knew what it was liked to be kissed by the one boy that would change your life. Times when you hung out with him everyday and he was your frist best friend that was a boy. Times when that best friend became your boyfriend. Times when you fell in love with your boyfriend (the first one that lasted over a month.)Times when he was the one thing that could brighten your day and you belived that the way you felt about him was enough to get you by for the rest of your life. Times when you couldn't go a day without hearing him say 'i love you'. Times when you were so dependent on him and he was like your brick wall. Times like that.. before he broke your heart. But then I remember, that if none of this wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have known who my "TRUE" friends are. And you need friends, everyone needs a friend. I geuss im glad to have gone threw all that, I think I just miss the "feelings" .. you know the feeling you had around him, when you would sit in the same spot every lunch hour, and same people would walk by and say the same thing 'thats like your guys spot'. Or you know, those Friday nights spent at his house, watching 'richy rich' on his fouton ( The one that you stained by puking on it on Halloween night, while attempting to puke in his hands.) or then there were those Saturdays where he would come to your house. You always wore sweatpants and a hoodie on those days. but he would still say 'your beautiful'. Or those times walking home in the cold. that one day will always stick out, I didn't go to 6th slot becuase you were comming over, so we were going to go to my house early. and you said "can i meet you at your house" i got up set and you came with me anyways, the reason you wanted to leave after me was so that you could have a cigarette (you promised 1 a day, and you had already had 1) We argued the way home, you were crying so was I, I still dont know why we were crying, I said you could smoke that one cig that you wanted and you did, when we got to my house, we stood at my door way with our winter jakets and shoes still on and our cheeks bright red from the cold and crying and hugged for about 5-10 minutes. Or the time when we were dancing in my kitchan and your mom came to the door. and saw. Or the way that you used to walk on the way to my house under the slanted telephone wires. ( // ) or the time we went snowmoibiling and your mom gave me her jacket to wear and ski pants. we hit a flower bed and i went flying off. you felt so bad. Going to the Pony Express with Cody Cuase we were soo hungry. Driving in your dads truck to get the mail, even though U didn't have your licence yet. Supper at your house (rice.. YOU ALWAYS HAVE RICE!). New years eve. Your birthday. Supper at the Keg to celebrate both our birthday (your parents took us, and we got to drink good drinks!!), my birthday, beautiful present you bought me. ( A braclet, it says KRYSTIN and flip it over it says Love Dallas) ((not one of those cheap ones those silver cheap ones.. the actual nice expensive gold one from mccaulum jewlers). I love you, I know we are in love and I wish things could be like normal again one day they will be. bah...
♥ Krystin
-I've felt ugly all week, every time I look in the mirror it gets worse
-I've felt fat all week and I really want to lose weight, its so hard I need to I know I do. I am getting so fat.
-Everyone eles is so much prettier then me. I'm the ugly ducking, my friends are georgous. they make me feel ugly.
-Im scared that im not "Pretty" enough for him, maybe theres someone out there whos 10x's prettier then me that he wants.
-I am getting zits. I know that sounds stupid, but I usually barely ever have zits, and if I do its one or two. Right now my whole inbetween my eye brows is feeling zitty, I know people say "oh whatever I can only see like 2" but I see way more then that.
-I hate makeup, I hate it so much, but if I didn't wear it, I would be HIDIOUS. I need cover up my skin tones are so uneven, and I put more and more on until i'm satisfied, but it always seems to me like its too much. I hate it so much.
-I need to buy new clothes. I have like, none. I need zip ups, badley. Ones that fit me nicely, I have a long torso, so everything is usually short on me, it sucks.
-I'm scared that people leave me once someone better comes along-i don't feel like I am good enough for everyone like, I feel like I'm a big big loser.
-I think I need better self estem, I want to feel so prety for just one day, I want my zits to go away, and I want someone to make me feel pretty just one day.. ONE!
bah, I ramble to much.
I wish I could go back to garde 9 or even when I didn't know what love was, none of my friends did and I miss those sleepovers where you would try and stay up all night and talk about those hot older boys and even have some of them on msn and if they talked to u, u were the coolest. Or those times when your parents had to drive you to the mall. cuase of course you couldn't drive back then. Those times when writtin notes were "Cool" and if you got one you felt so good about yourself. Those times when you'd walk by the older boys at school but sometimes you would advoide going that way becuase you were way to scared. Those times when you wouldn't go to school alone, cuase god forbid walking up those stairs alone, that was scary. those times when everyone was your friend, and everyone was scrambling around trying so hard to fit in, before you knew who your real friends actually were. those times before you knew what teenage drama actually was. Times when having a boy put his arm around you was the end of the world. Times when you met that boy in your social class that became your best friend. Times when you never knew what it was liked to be kissed by the one boy that would change your life. Times when you hung out with him everyday and he was your frist best friend that was a boy. Times when that best friend became your boyfriend. Times when you fell in love with your boyfriend (the first one that lasted over a month.)Times when he was the one thing that could brighten your day and you belived that the way you felt about him was enough to get you by for the rest of your life. Times when you couldn't go a day without hearing him say 'i love you'. Times when you were so dependent on him and he was like your brick wall. Times like that.. before he broke your heart. But then I remember, that if none of this wouldn't have happened, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have known who my "TRUE" friends are. And you need friends, everyone needs a friend. I geuss im glad to have gone threw all that, I think I just miss the "feelings" .. you know the feeling you had around him, when you would sit in the same spot every lunch hour, and same people would walk by and say the same thing 'thats like your guys spot'. Or you know, those Friday nights spent at his house, watching 'richy rich' on his fouton ( The one that you stained by puking on it on Halloween night, while attempting to puke in his hands.) or then there were those Saturdays where he would come to your house. You always wore sweatpants and a hoodie on those days. but he would still say 'your beautiful'. Or those times walking home in the cold. that one day will always stick out, I didn't go to 6th slot becuase you were comming over, so we were going to go to my house early. and you said "can i meet you at your house" i got up set and you came with me anyways, the reason you wanted to leave after me was so that you could have a cigarette (you promised 1 a day, and you had already had 1) We argued the way home, you were crying so was I, I still dont know why we were crying, I said you could smoke that one cig that you wanted and you did, when we got to my house, we stood at my door way with our winter jakets and shoes still on and our cheeks bright red from the cold and crying and hugged for about 5-10 minutes. Or the time when we were dancing in my kitchan and your mom came to the door. and saw. Or the way that you used to walk on the way to my house under the slanted telephone wires. ( // ) or the time we went snowmoibiling and your mom gave me her jacket to wear and ski pants. we hit a flower bed and i went flying off. you felt so bad. Going to the Pony Express with Cody Cuase we were soo hungry. Driving in your dads truck to get the mail, even though U didn't have your licence yet. Supper at your house (rice.. YOU ALWAYS HAVE RICE!). New years eve. Your birthday. Supper at the Keg to celebrate both our birthday (your parents took us, and we got to drink good drinks!!), my birthday, beautiful present you bought me. ( A braclet, it says KRYSTIN and flip it over it says Love Dallas) ((not one of those cheap ones those silver cheap ones.. the actual nice expensive gold one from mccaulum jewlers). I love you, I know we are in love and I wish things could be like normal again one day they will be. bah...
♥ Krystin