(no subject)
I just took some self-evaluation tests, and although they say they're not accurate and you should seek professional medical advice, they got me thinking. Among them were paranoid, borderline, and narcissistic personality disorders. I want to learn more about myself. I want to understand myself better, to understand why I think and feel the ways I do. My mind scares me a lot of the time, more so recently than it ever has. A lot of people have said various things to me in the past hinting (and sometimes being hurtfully blatant) about problems I may have. I've always tried to deny them. But I'm beginning to wonder if there may be something. I have issues with sensitivity & intense emotion, paranoia, low self-esteem but at the same time self-involved and egotistical, I'm dependent and unable to make everyday decisions alone, I sleep far too much (average 10-12 hours a night), I have terrible nightmares almost every night, I don't want to be promiscuous but I've had past issues of being so, a lot of the time I feel sad and empty for no reason, I very often have dark thoughts and enjoy them, and the list goes on - but I DO have a conscience and sense of guilt, often overly so. I don't understand what it all means, maybe everyone has these problems, I don't know. But I don't want to have them anymore.