On top of all that, I have Footloose stuck in my head.
I have come to understand my love for reading, which exists mostly in the fact that I am not judged. I can't play a wrong note when i'm reading; or I won't have poor diction or a shitty word choice; there is no equal sign and I don't have to memorize dates; my lighting will not suck and my technique will not be criticized. Reading is safe. Safety is the devil.
I also understand the last nine months. I am over-protective and over-bearing. I needed to keep her close and that was the best way I could.
I try too hard, I have no moderation or reasoning, and I have improved my skill of disapointing others greatly. I am also pretty sure that I want to completely give up on You Two because the spark we once had - rather, thought we had - is no longer there. I spent a good several months on trying to make You different from all my previous attempts. And the Other was just to make my mother happy, but along the way, I too became happy. But I am no longer happy and that doesn't make me happy.
I am also very good at losing things and making people upset. As my sister once said before, "You are very good at making people cry, especially in this house."
I am not happy with this fucking "lifestyle". I realize I'm only sixteen, but the idea does not sit well, like a meal after a hiatus from eating for... a while.
I am far too flirtacious and I lead people on and it's not like I even deserve to have choices. I am a player and not even the cool kind.
My future has somehow turned into this game and it's no longer about have a good life, it's about getting the high score and outdoing everyone else. That is not what I want my future to be like. This isn't fucking Mario Party and there is no restart button.
Tratahabo estudiar hoy y me dí cuenta de no sé latín porque sólo estudio español ahora; no puedo hacer una traducción buena. I am so screwed.
If I even cared anymore, I'd probably try to end with something witty. But I'm spending the weekend at Ithaca, which will only remind me what I'll never be.
I also understand the last nine months. I am over-protective and over-bearing. I needed to keep her close and that was the best way I could.
I try too hard, I have no moderation or reasoning, and I have improved my skill of disapointing others greatly. I am also pretty sure that I want to completely give up on You Two because the spark we once had - rather, thought we had - is no longer there. I spent a good several months on trying to make You different from all my previous attempts. And the Other was just to make my mother happy, but along the way, I too became happy. But I am no longer happy and that doesn't make me happy.
I am also very good at losing things and making people upset. As my sister once said before, "You are very good at making people cry, especially in this house."
I am not happy with this fucking "lifestyle". I realize I'm only sixteen, but the idea does not sit well, like a meal after a hiatus from eating for... a while.
I am far too flirtacious and I lead people on and it's not like I even deserve to have choices. I am a player and not even the cool kind.
My future has somehow turned into this game and it's no longer about have a good life, it's about getting the high score and outdoing everyone else. That is not what I want my future to be like. This isn't fucking Mario Party and there is no restart button.
Tratahabo estudiar hoy y me dí cuenta de no sé latín porque sólo estudio español ahora; no puedo hacer una traducción buena. I am so screwed.
If I even cared anymore, I'd probably try to end with something witty. But I'm spending the weekend at Ithaca, which will only remind me what I'll never be.