(no subject)
So here I am
Back in providence
It feels so surreal and I inexplicably feel like crying
My family drove me up and I packed all my earthly belongings for the next 10 months into the station wagon
The last several days of my 2 ½ week summer were a blur of bittersweet pleasantness
Saturday I went into the city with my family to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway for Kris’ first Broadway show.
It was spectacular and quite enjoyable.
Sunday was my last Sunday at church for quite a while and my dad did a wrap up of the Michael Chang event we did about 5 months ago
Then the College and Career Fellowship triathlon
I just felt so tired and uncertain and withdrawn
By nature I don’t find myself to be extremely competitive and I had even less of an edge for mini golf, bowling or taboo
Monday I decided not to go to six flags and packed and went to a birthday party for a friend. A lot of my friends from high school I haven’t seen for a year. Something else. It’s amazing how much we’ve all changed.
Tuesday it finally hit me that summer was over. That I would be leaving for school the next day. A flurry of packing and unpacking and sorting and boxing ensued.
I started to panic. I just don’t feel ready to come back. I’m still exhausted and worn out from last semester and this summer, while amazing and exhilarating, was not as restful as I would have liked.
I don’t even feel like I have the energy necessary for shallow friendly social interaction.
When I finally had a minute to myself sitting on the bed of our temporary housing, I think I really missed DC and my friends there and this summer the most. Maybe it didn’t seem like it was really over and gone until I started a distinctly new chapter in my life. And home, was more of a transient intermission than a new era.
As hard as I try to muster the excitement or enthusiasm for the new semester, for school, for MPCing, training or TWTP, I can’t quite convince myself.
There are problem any number of reasonable explanations or likely culprits to attribute this phenomenon to; anything from physical exhaustion to the nagging fear that I will burn out this semester, anxiety about classes and the future or fear of the unknown. Maybe I don’t need that excitement or enthusiasm; I guess I just hate not feeling anything. I hate the numbness and dreariness of not having that joy every morning when I wake up and get out of bed.
So hopefully I will be able to get through the next 3 weeks of training, programs, and orientation before classes start. I do admit that the campus enchanted me once again with its beauty, a calmness and tranquility and demure grace that I don’t remember. Maybe the rosy coloring of absence and the relief from paper deadlines and finals.
God, please help me to learn what you are trying to teach me. let me be a willing student. help me to say good bye to the past, live in the present with you and entrust my future to your hands
Back in providence
It feels so surreal and I inexplicably feel like crying
My family drove me up and I packed all my earthly belongings for the next 10 months into the station wagon
The last several days of my 2 ½ week summer were a blur of bittersweet pleasantness
Saturday I went into the city with my family to see Beauty and the Beast on Broadway for Kris’ first Broadway show.
It was spectacular and quite enjoyable.
Sunday was my last Sunday at church for quite a while and my dad did a wrap up of the Michael Chang event we did about 5 months ago
Then the College and Career Fellowship triathlon
I just felt so tired and uncertain and withdrawn
By nature I don’t find myself to be extremely competitive and I had even less of an edge for mini golf, bowling or taboo
Monday I decided not to go to six flags and packed and went to a birthday party for a friend. A lot of my friends from high school I haven’t seen for a year. Something else. It’s amazing how much we’ve all changed.
Tuesday it finally hit me that summer was over. That I would be leaving for school the next day. A flurry of packing and unpacking and sorting and boxing ensued.
I started to panic. I just don’t feel ready to come back. I’m still exhausted and worn out from last semester and this summer, while amazing and exhilarating, was not as restful as I would have liked.
I don’t even feel like I have the energy necessary for shallow friendly social interaction.
When I finally had a minute to myself sitting on the bed of our temporary housing, I think I really missed DC and my friends there and this summer the most. Maybe it didn’t seem like it was really over and gone until I started a distinctly new chapter in my life. And home, was more of a transient intermission than a new era.
As hard as I try to muster the excitement or enthusiasm for the new semester, for school, for MPCing, training or TWTP, I can’t quite convince myself.
There are problem any number of reasonable explanations or likely culprits to attribute this phenomenon to; anything from physical exhaustion to the nagging fear that I will burn out this semester, anxiety about classes and the future or fear of the unknown. Maybe I don’t need that excitement or enthusiasm; I guess I just hate not feeling anything. I hate the numbness and dreariness of not having that joy every morning when I wake up and get out of bed.
So hopefully I will be able to get through the next 3 weeks of training, programs, and orientation before classes start. I do admit that the campus enchanted me once again with its beauty, a calmness and tranquility and demure grace that I don’t remember. Maybe the rosy coloring of absence and the relief from paper deadlines and finals.
God, please help me to learn what you are trying to teach me. let me be a willing student. help me to say good bye to the past, live in the present with you and entrust my future to your hands