Here I am after months
"Loving you is like a song i replay, every three minutes and thirty seconds of every day."
I have not written on here in ages. I didn't forget about my Live Journal, just that i have been busy. Busy with life, and its downs. Not much has occured. Nataly and I have put many things at stake. Mostly our relationship, but with a problem, comes a ray of sunlight. Her heart shines bright upon my eyes. I musn't hurt her. She musn't hurt me. I have not been happy, but i feel happiness at the moment. Yet...i feel deep sorrow. I have lost my sister to someone. Someone that isn't worth her breath. That someone...is her boyfriend. She has chosen him over us. Something that I will never forget. She...turned her back on me. I musn't shed another tear for her. She is not worth it.
On a lighter note. Dear Danny Samson decided to e-mail me. The e-mail reads as so:
Hey jackie, its me Danny, i hope u remember me. Well i
just wanted to apologize for not talking to you in so
long. The reason is that i met someone from ur school,
and he told me so many bad things, and i told him i
didnt belive him, so he brings a friend and he new who
u were, and said the exact same things. so i was just
disapointed, but after so long i come to realize that
who cares if its true, and besides, they could have
planned this before talking to me. so i just wanted to
say im sorry. u were such a cool person, but i blew
it. i should have talked to you first. i understand if
ur mad at me, and never wanted to talk to me again,
but i had to let u know how i feel, cause it was
killing me inside. maybe u could write back just to
let me know u recieved, and read this message. take
care of urself. bye.
Danny Samson
...so hilarious how he actually remembered me after 9 months or so. I don't want my past anymore. So he can go to hell. So many things are haunting me. I am curious to know why they are coming back.*shakes head confusingly*. Andres is long gone. My rasta...is gone. I will no longer have contact with him. I will miss him inmensly. I am listening to all of this reggae because of the memories it brings. It brings those happy moments when...I was free to the world. Free to harm myself with love. Now i am in the arms of love. Awaiting for it to lead me, either to heaven or hell. I am content with life. No matter how horrid it becomes, i will always stay strong. I have survived 6 months of Anorexia, rape, pregnancy, abortion, heartbreaks, deaths, memories, and once again, Anorexia/Bulimia. I believe I am strong. No matter who attempts to bring me down, be it a stranger, family, or even Nataly...I will not allow them to bring me down. No matter what. I will hold my head up high, and never look back. If i do look back, i will bring back memories that i wish to leave behind. I wish to leave behind the fact that i am ugly, the fact that my sister no longer wants me in her life, rape...everything is going in a bottle and out of my life into an ocean of forget. I have lived a life full with disappointments and loss. I have so much ahead of me. If i don't stand up for myself now, i never will. If anybody harms me, i will take action no matter what. I will speak up, even if i don't want to be heard. I will not allow a person that i care for to tell me to shut up, and to bring me down. I will not allow it. If i am in love...then i will show them that i am worth something.
*sigh* that is my rant. I will not let myself be brought down and be made a fool of. No siree bob. I am better than that. I am happy that I am building a chain around me. Only those that prove worthy will receive my all. The others, will see nothing. If you see nothing, then it means you have hurt me...you are worth shit.