"And Everything Seemed to be Going So Well..."
I'm starting to remember that I'm not naturally a happy person. It had been so long, I had started to forget. It takes a lot to make me feel good for any significant amount of time. It's been a long time since I've felt like this. I've been so happy. I thought I had everything. I thought I knew what my career would be. I thought I had friends at school. Most importantly, I thought I was making someone else happy. I was invincible. Now I'm realizing how lost I really am. My career is bullshit. The Londonderry animal control officer can't save an injured cat because he's too busy goat hunting. I should've seen that coming from a mile away. I have no friends here. I have classmates, and I have people I used to respect. To be honest, what scares me the most about that is that I'm okay with it. I guess I'm just such a social leper that I actually don't need friends. Lastly, and most importantly, I'm failing at being a girlfriend. All I have to do is make one person happy. It's supposed to be easy, and I haven't been able to for months. I don't know what to do anymore. All I can do is go study parasites and viruses, and learn how to hold a clipper. That's all I can control, and I need something I can control. Hopefully someday everything will be amazing again. Because now that I know I can have that, I need to get it back.