portrait of the artist as a jaded ninth-grader
Mum put all of my shit into a bunch of boxes in the basement, and when I was looking for my measuring tape [I never found the damned thing, which is probably a good thing], I found some stuff from my summer English class in ninth grade. XD
Mr. Lucas gave us five minutes to write journals at the beginning of every day, and they had to be half a page long. Here are some of the more ridiculous ones.
"journal #4: what is the most difficult challenge you have ever had to face?
I'm trying to think of one particular thing, but nothing really comes to mind. I guess this whole past year has been kind of a challenge for me. A lot of stuff has been going on, to the point where it was a challenge to see the point in getting out of bed, or even staying alive. Pretty bad. I don't know when it started, but last year, maybe last summer or something, I guess I just realised how messed up the world is, and how biased society is, and how everyone is closed-minded and how maybe God isn't so real after all. These realisations bothered me quite a bit, and the more I thought about it, the lonlier I started to feel. It wasn't very fun. Then Mum sent me to a psychologist; he wasn't very good. He actually made it worse. I'm going to him today."
"journal #9: write everything you know about love.
Love is an extremely hard word to define. Love is like... always wanting to be with someone, and feeling as though part of your own heart is missing when you're apart. Love is wanting nothing more in the world than to make that person smile. Love is when someone can shatter your heart and turn your life inside out with one single look of their eyes. Love is bliss and torture simultaneously, mixed up into one intoxicating feeling that makes you want to cry and laugh and burst into flames all at the same time."
"journal #13: if you could change one decision you've made, which one would you change and why?
If I could change one decision I've made, it would be the time that I"
"journal #14: choose someone in this class and describe what you think life might be like for them.
If I described what I thought life was like for someone I don't know, I would be judging them based on appearance, which I don't think is fair. It annoys me to no end when people prejudge me for what I look like or what I'm wearing, so I try not to do it to other people."
"One should never lie to get oneself out of trouble, but if it is absolutely necessary or the dress they're wearing is absolutely hideous..."
"journal #21: write down some of your thoughts on death and dying.
I was raised as a Christian, but I have since realised how hypocritical, contradictory, and self-righteous Christianity is. So, with questioning your religion comes questioning your fate. Frankly, I have no idea what's going to happen to me after I die. I don't think that people just cease to exist after their bodies die, however. I am spiritual in some ways, so I guess that makes me agnostic. Anyway, I hope that when I die, that I can just exist in a perfect, still silence, without thinking anything, because thinking is done with the brain. I would feel, though, and I hope that I will feel complete and content, and that I won't regret anything."
"journal #22: write your thoughts about family and its importance.
family is very important in one's life, because they are the ones who raise you, and give you your first example of how people in the world are. They are the ones that [should] love you unconditionally, but this is not always the case. As for my family, I'm kind of the 'black sheep', as it were. My family seems to think that because I don't listen to rap or like fried chicken, I'm not 'black enough', which quite frankly is a load of bollocks, if you'll kindly excuse my language. Also, because I'm quiet and I wear black sometimes, apparently I'm 'one of those scary Gothic people!', and therefore I am the one that is talked about over the Thanksgiving table when I'm not around, and the one that the aunts tell their children to stay away from. Ours is a high and lonely destiny."
[after Mr. Lucas said my journal wasn't long enough:]
"...Yay for writing additional sentences after you've finished. I wish I had a cupcake. Got some Starburst and things in my bookbag, but I can't eat it. It is a lovely day. Kind of hot for a sweatshirt, but I'm good, because it's a Trogdor hoodie, and Trogdor is cooler than you. I write way too small. If I wrote normally, I swear this would already be a whole page or more. I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom... doom doom doom! Doom doooooom... half a page!"
Mr. Lucas gave us five minutes to write journals at the beginning of every day, and they had to be half a page long. Here are some of the more ridiculous ones.
"journal #4: what is the most difficult challenge you have ever had to face?
I'm trying to think of one particular thing, but nothing really comes to mind. I guess this whole past year has been kind of a challenge for me. A lot of stuff has been going on, to the point where it was a challenge to see the point in getting out of bed, or even staying alive. Pretty bad. I don't know when it started, but last year, maybe last summer or something, I guess I just realised how messed up the world is, and how biased society is, and how everyone is closed-minded and how maybe God isn't so real after all. These realisations bothered me quite a bit, and the more I thought about it, the lonlier I started to feel. It wasn't very fun. Then Mum sent me to a psychologist; he wasn't very good. He actually made it worse. I'm going to him today."
"journal #9: write everything you know about love.
Love is an extremely hard word to define. Love is like... always wanting to be with someone, and feeling as though part of your own heart is missing when you're apart. Love is wanting nothing more in the world than to make that person smile. Love is when someone can shatter your heart and turn your life inside out with one single look of their eyes. Love is bliss and torture simultaneously, mixed up into one intoxicating feeling that makes you want to cry and laugh and burst into flames all at the same time."
"journal #13: if you could change one decision you've made, which one would you change and why?
If I could change one decision I've made, it would be the time that I"
"journal #14: choose someone in this class and describe what you think life might be like for them.
If I described what I thought life was like for someone I don't know, I would be judging them based on appearance, which I don't think is fair. It annoys me to no end when people prejudge me for what I look like or what I'm wearing, so I try not to do it to other people."
"One should never lie to get oneself out of trouble, but if it is absolutely necessary or the dress they're wearing is absolutely hideous..."
"journal #21: write down some of your thoughts on death and dying.
I was raised as a Christian, but I have since realised how hypocritical, contradictory, and self-righteous Christianity is. So, with questioning your religion comes questioning your fate. Frankly, I have no idea what's going to happen to me after I die. I don't think that people just cease to exist after their bodies die, however. I am spiritual in some ways, so I guess that makes me agnostic. Anyway, I hope that when I die, that I can just exist in a perfect, still silence, without thinking anything, because thinking is done with the brain. I would feel, though, and I hope that I will feel complete and content, and that I won't regret anything."
"journal #22: write your thoughts about family and its importance.
family is very important in one's life, because they are the ones who raise you, and give you your first example of how people in the world are. They are the ones that [should] love you unconditionally, but this is not always the case. As for my family, I'm kind of the 'black sheep', as it were. My family seems to think that because I don't listen to rap or like fried chicken, I'm not 'black enough', which quite frankly is a load of bollocks, if you'll kindly excuse my language. Also, because I'm quiet and I wear black sometimes, apparently I'm 'one of those scary Gothic people!', and therefore I am the one that is talked about over the Thanksgiving table when I'm not around, and the one that the aunts tell their children to stay away from. Ours is a high and lonely destiny."
[after Mr. Lucas said my journal wasn't long enough:]
"...Yay for writing additional sentences after you've finished. I wish I had a cupcake. Got some Starburst and things in my bookbag, but I can't eat it. It is a lovely day. Kind of hot for a sweatshirt, but I'm good, because it's a Trogdor hoodie, and Trogdor is cooler than you. I write way too small. If I wrote normally, I swear this would already be a whole page or more. I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom doom doom... doom doom doom! Doom doooooom... half a page!"