crappy funk.
I'm in a funky mood today. eh. and bah.
I have a headache. I want to take a nap. I feel slightly depressed for no good reason. I feel resentful of alex for absolutely no good reason. The resentment comes from the fact that he gets to play play play all he wants and doesn't seem to care. and so do my friends, i guess. But thats not even it. I'm growing tired of the scene. really fucking tired/ slightly sick of it. a flip switched at nero. Why am I here ? Ohh because i really do LIKE nero, a lot!! But the show was just kinda, eh. I donno. it was a sunday night. people were raving anyway. Im over raving at the masquerade, or at a show, where its like, OOOOO blah blah blah, lets get up right in front yesssss and we are so cool up here look how cool we are NOW at THIS show with THESE people in THIS outfit. I dunno. I love facebpaint but id like to paint my face and sit at home. Or go to a completely underground party in the woods. I dont care about every fucking big-name,small-name-no-name i dont give a fuck who can use a synthesizer. I don't care about 4 to the floor right now. I really am TIRING of electronic dance music and I want to curl up in a cave with hilary and listen to folk and acoustic guitars. and not do any drugs but actually really connect and be present. Its not even the drugs that bother me, and its not the people, its just the whole scene. it feels STUCK. i want so badly to TRANSCEND all this, but no one understands. No one would listen. they'd just nod and not understand. I should paint more. I should paint a lot more. i dont feel lost.... thats not how i feel. I feel like im not GETTING something.... like something is missing... or beyond my reach. There is a certain way of being that I can only imagine, and hear stories about... but it cuold never be me.
I have a headache. I want to take a nap. I feel slightly depressed for no good reason. I feel resentful of alex for absolutely no good reason. The resentment comes from the fact that he gets to play play play all he wants and doesn't seem to care. and so do my friends, i guess. But thats not even it. I'm growing tired of the scene. really fucking tired/ slightly sick of it. a flip switched at nero. Why am I here ? Ohh because i really do LIKE nero, a lot!! But the show was just kinda, eh. I donno. it was a sunday night. people were raving anyway. Im over raving at the masquerade, or at a show, where its like, OOOOO blah blah blah, lets get up right in front yesssss and we are so cool up here look how cool we are NOW at THIS show with THESE people in THIS outfit. I dunno. I love facebpaint but id like to paint my face and sit at home. Or go to a completely underground party in the woods. I dont care about every fucking big-name,small-name-no-name i dont give a fuck who can use a synthesizer. I don't care about 4 to the floor right now. I really am TIRING of electronic dance music and I want to curl up in a cave with hilary and listen to folk and acoustic guitars. and not do any drugs but actually really connect and be present. Its not even the drugs that bother me, and its not the people, its just the whole scene. it feels STUCK. i want so badly to TRANSCEND all this, but no one understands. No one would listen. they'd just nod and not understand. I should paint more. I should paint a lot more. i dont feel lost.... thats not how i feel. I feel like im not GETTING something.... like something is missing... or beyond my reach. There is a certain way of being that I can only imagine, and hear stories about... but it cuold never be me.