(no subject)
I need a life.
EJ has a life of her own. DJ has a life of her own. Bro has a life of his own. And even my parents have like a whole life/world of their own.
So why am I here wondering just what other part I have to play in their lives other than the little sister on which they can depend on to do errands like buy a birthday cake or find information or buy a boardgame which by the way no one played.
I remember going out walking with mom and we really had nothing to talk about. Because mom's all about church and God, which I really find admirable...and sometimes I think I'm even just a tad jealous of God. I mean, why can't I get a teensy bit of attention apart from "Jade, can you help Mom do ________?"
So maybe I'm being real A.S. and childish and stupid.
And it doesn't help that they're sending away the people I like the best in my entire job, including my cute coworker. Here they are, hearing things about their wing being shut down, probably thinking about their future and the lack of security in their job (because stupid administration decided not to tell them anything until I finally go, "hello, we're going to have a big problem if people don't start knowing things). They're closing down the production wing, and trying to find places for the workers to transfer to as well as settling some pay advance I have yet to obtain details of. And my wonderful coworker has been completely reliable, doing the last-minute orders and everything without complaint. Unlike the irritating coworker from before, who's still giving me trouble and making me feel bad about knowing things beforehand and not telling because I was told not to tell.
It was a terrible Esther moment, and I will go and buy them things. I wish I was better at Chinese though, I want to write so much to them, but my Chinese is so terrible. I don't even know what 'receipt' is in Chinese (I learned this when attempting to help a Chinese student get a digital library account today).
I'm quite dreading next week at work, because I'll really miss the production people. They were the reason I loved coming back to work, even if I didn't take a break on Saturdays. Also because next week is pay week, and we have yet to settle some money issues. My head's going to spin next week, and I'll expect a busy time moving my office upstairs (where to, I haven't been told).
I went to visit EJ today, because staying at home with nothing to do sucked and I needed to return some books and zap some reference-only material anyways. It was nice (:
Maybe I'm expecting too much of people...or too little of them. I don't expect anyone to understand me, although sometimes I wish desperately that they did. And the troublesome thing about humans is that we're not telepathic or empathic or (and this would be hilarious) telekinetic or anything superhuman-special. Communication is so important, but so troublesome. Like, if it's God, I know that He knows everything perfectly and completely, so I don't have to go about explaining everything because He already has the knowledge...but I hate having to try and explain it all out, especially when I don't feel like it.
Oh. Don't know. I just want Letters from Iwojima, my Arashic album and more Ohno.
Gomen. This is when everything's crashing into
_smileyface at the same time.
K.
(which, btw, is the first letter of personality-wise cute coworker's name. An english name he has, no idea whether it's official or not though, and will not ask because my skin isn't thick enough and I will now stop going on about him because noone knows him, period.) Enough.
EJ has a life of her own. DJ has a life of her own. Bro has a life of his own. And even my parents have like a whole life/world of their own.
So why am I here wondering just what other part I have to play in their lives other than the little sister on which they can depend on to do errands like buy a birthday cake or find information or buy a boardgame which by the way no one played.
I remember going out walking with mom and we really had nothing to talk about. Because mom's all about church and God, which I really find admirable...and sometimes I think I'm even just a tad jealous of God. I mean, why can't I get a teensy bit of attention apart from "Jade, can you help Mom do ________?"
So maybe I'm being real A.S. and childish and stupid.
And it doesn't help that they're sending away the people I like the best in my entire job, including my cute coworker. Here they are, hearing things about their wing being shut down, probably thinking about their future and the lack of security in their job (because stupid administration decided not to tell them anything until I finally go, "hello, we're going to have a big problem if people don't start knowing things). They're closing down the production wing, and trying to find places for the workers to transfer to as well as settling some pay advance I have yet to obtain details of. And my wonderful coworker has been completely reliable, doing the last-minute orders and everything without complaint. Unlike the irritating coworker from before, who's still giving me trouble and making me feel bad about knowing things beforehand and not telling because I was told not to tell.
It was a terrible Esther moment, and I will go and buy them things. I wish I was better at Chinese though, I want to write so much to them, but my Chinese is so terrible. I don't even know what 'receipt' is in Chinese (I learned this when attempting to help a Chinese student get a digital library account today).
I'm quite dreading next week at work, because I'll really miss the production people. They were the reason I loved coming back to work, even if I didn't take a break on Saturdays. Also because next week is pay week, and we have yet to settle some money issues. My head's going to spin next week, and I'll expect a busy time moving my office upstairs (where to, I haven't been told).
I went to visit EJ today, because staying at home with nothing to do sucked and I needed to return some books and zap some reference-only material anyways. It was nice (:
Maybe I'm expecting too much of people...or too little of them. I don't expect anyone to understand me, although sometimes I wish desperately that they did. And the troublesome thing about humans is that we're not telepathic or empathic or (and this would be hilarious) telekinetic or anything superhuman-special. Communication is so important, but so troublesome. Like, if it's God, I know that He knows everything perfectly and completely, so I don't have to go about explaining everything because He already has the knowledge...but I hate having to try and explain it all out, especially when I don't feel like it.
Oh. Don't know. I just want Letters from Iwojima, my Arashic album and more Ohno.
Gomen. This is when everything's crashing into
_smileyface at the same time.
K.
(which, btw, is the first letter of personality-wise cute coworker's name. An english name he has, no idea whether it's official or not though, and will not ask because my skin isn't thick enough and I will now stop going on about him because noone knows him, period.) Enough.