and it was pesach
i know im not the best jew by any stretch of the religion. but sometimes, i like to try. pesach would be one of those times. i may not go to synagogue every week, let alone every day like my dad is still doing! much to the amazement of everyone that knows him. ive actually gone from a super jew highschooler, at shul three times a week at least to going about three times a year. but pesach, well, some of these big holidays, the ones that growing up they always told me how important they were, well, i like to try. its kind of sad really, i know the important ones from the not-as-important ones (not unimportant, just not-as-imporant, because they are all really important on some levels) because i know the stories behind the important ones in more detail. so i keep passover. as i rationalized to josh the other night, its really a test of my willpower. yeah, i know i dont have to not eat bread, and i know it would make things a lot easier if i just pretended i didnt care. but i do care on some level, and trying at least makes me feel a little more compassion for when they didnt have any choice. what would it have been like to suffer on their level? or on the level of any of those starving people anywhere in the world, those who are still starving now? its actually probably shallow of me to only be thinking of them now that im trying to feign observance of this holiday that proves our resilience of a community by being able to survive the desert for however many years. but i do care, even though i dont ever talk about it. now im all contemplating existince just because i tried to tell y'all that ive spent the last two days with my family and putting the xacto knife weilding skills ive been learning at school to use by chopping fruits and vegetables en masse. i really enjoy the big family gatherings like last night and tonight. yeah, it is a little bit of a pain in the ass to have to get up early and help in the kitchen all day and not get any work done even though i brought my laptop with me both nights in the hope that i would be able to get a little work done instead of setting tables. but i really do have a good time when we all sit there and make fun of each other and ourselves and tell the story and go through the tradition of dipping parsley into saltwater and making sandwiches of matzah, charoset and horseradish...damnit i forgot the charoset! i made myself a bag of food to take home and i forgot my favorite part and i just remembered now! crap theres not gonna be any left if i wait til tuesday to go home for dinner! aww man! after i chopped up all those apples and everything. grrrr. i am really tired. and i have class tomorrow. and i didnt do any work. and maybe, i am a little drunk. goodnight everyone.