God Damn
Dear Journal,
This fucking battle with depression is never ending. To be honest, I really dont think I have much to be happy about, even if I wasnt looking at the glass half empty. I will say, that My band is awesome, and I love making music with those guys. We played Ziggy's on friday and it was absolutely mind blowing. The greenroom there is covered wall to wall with signatures of bands and people that I have looked up to and admired my entire life. to play on the same stage as bands like Pantera, The dead kennedys, Coheed, the deftones...and the list is fucking endless.. it filled me with an energy that I was never able to experiance before...I wish I could always feel like that. But I dont really see how thats possible.
I am so tired of the way I live here, and the People I am surrounded by. But, Im fucking stuck. My step-dad, John isnt doing well in the health department..and Me and my mom are pretty worried about him, this has lead to me not being able to go back to school like I wanted to.
But, I guess the thing that really gets to me, is the lonliness that wont seem to end. In NY, I feel like I have almost an endless amount of people I can turn to if I need help, or someone to talk to. While I'm here, I feel so out of touch with my friends in NY, and I also feel they get the impression that I dont care about them anymore, when infact its just the oppisite. I think about everyone in east meadow, commack, and potsdam on a daily basis.. and I miss the feeling of true companionship, Because, the majority of my "friends" down here, couldnt give a rats ass about me.
I just want to feel fucking accepted here in this town I live in, and no one seems to want to let me into their lives. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG? what do I have to change? where do I meet REAL fucking people? I'm tired of two faced,drama-driven individuals. I miss my fucking brothers so much, and I'm honestly begining to cry just thinking about them.
I'm sorry for this entry, excpet..not really, But I'm sorry If you read it and you wish you hadnt. But if you think you can offer me some help, I swear I could really really use it.
Thom
This fucking battle with depression is never ending. To be honest, I really dont think I have much to be happy about, even if I wasnt looking at the glass half empty. I will say, that My band is awesome, and I love making music with those guys. We played Ziggy's on friday and it was absolutely mind blowing. The greenroom there is covered wall to wall with signatures of bands and people that I have looked up to and admired my entire life. to play on the same stage as bands like Pantera, The dead kennedys, Coheed, the deftones...and the list is fucking endless.. it filled me with an energy that I was never able to experiance before...I wish I could always feel like that. But I dont really see how thats possible.
I am so tired of the way I live here, and the People I am surrounded by. But, Im fucking stuck. My step-dad, John isnt doing well in the health department..and Me and my mom are pretty worried about him, this has lead to me not being able to go back to school like I wanted to.
But, I guess the thing that really gets to me, is the lonliness that wont seem to end. In NY, I feel like I have almost an endless amount of people I can turn to if I need help, or someone to talk to. While I'm here, I feel so out of touch with my friends in NY, and I also feel they get the impression that I dont care about them anymore, when infact its just the oppisite. I think about everyone in east meadow, commack, and potsdam on a daily basis.. and I miss the feeling of true companionship, Because, the majority of my "friends" down here, couldnt give a rats ass about me.
I just want to feel fucking accepted here in this town I live in, and no one seems to want to let me into their lives. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING WRONG? what do I have to change? where do I meet REAL fucking people? I'm tired of two faced,drama-driven individuals. I miss my fucking brothers so much, and I'm honestly begining to cry just thinking about them.
I'm sorry for this entry, excpet..not really, But I'm sorry If you read it and you wish you hadnt. But if you think you can offer me some help, I swear I could really really use it.
Thom