Fall's End
Beautiful colorful fall days and weather this week - though of course awfully cold for one Ms. Walker. But as I walked around, just today, I realized that many of the trees and colors are into winter: the rough strong wind and rain must have cleared the leaves off the last two days and now black skeletal trees and shades of brown predominate. So suddenly I had that mind-jump: Fall is over, Winter is here. I found myself resisting it, wanting warm or even just mini-and-tights weather, wanting more time and more color; wanting, wanting, wanting.
I took a breath in and out and, still walking across campus, I let go of all my wants and desires and became present to Winter. It lasted all the way across campus and by the end I could see the beauty and respect the effort it took the Winter to change over all the foliage.
I also realized I was reluctant to move on because I was waiting for something to happen. I have no reason to hope it might have... but hope I did. And in the clarity of Winter I realized that I can be responsible for my own invitations. I am Skye Walker: I can act to make myself and others around me happy.
Long story short, I am cooking Thanksgiving during the second week of Fall break*. Court, my dad and ch4rm are invited. My dad and court are very enthused about having a Thanksgiving where everyone gets to pick out and make their favorite food and ch4rm even offered to help cook AND clean up! In return, as long as the yelling-at-the-tv stays to a minimum I will have the game on upstairs for the pleasure and enjoyment of my male guests. And what will the kids and I do: maybe a movie marathon? Maybe art stations? Cookie-making and decorating?
It is not what I thought I'd be doing (and likely ch4rm is a little surprised himself) but like Winter, I can make my life more peaceful by accepting the forces stronger than I which I cannot control. I feel that as soon as I do, I will be able to see the beauty in what I actually HAVE instead of wanting what I cannot have anyway.
...I don't have to like the cold, though. No amount of zen can make me LIKE the feelings left in the wake of empty desires. All that a small and very good girl can do, in the midsts of those dark winter months... is plan for a cruise. ;)
*The first week, ch4rm is taking the babies and they are all going to Disneyworld, yes DISNEYWORLD for 10 days. AH, what fun they'll have!!! What a wonderful Fall break for the babies, eh?! I'm glad ch4rm is so generous to them, and loves the kids (and Disney!) enough to spend that kind of money and time on them.
I took a breath in and out and, still walking across campus, I let go of all my wants and desires and became present to Winter. It lasted all the way across campus and by the end I could see the beauty and respect the effort it took the Winter to change over all the foliage.
I also realized I was reluctant to move on because I was waiting for something to happen. I have no reason to hope it might have... but hope I did. And in the clarity of Winter I realized that I can be responsible for my own invitations. I am Skye Walker: I can act to make myself and others around me happy.
Long story short, I am cooking Thanksgiving during the second week of Fall break*. Court, my dad and ch4rm are invited. My dad and court are very enthused about having a Thanksgiving where everyone gets to pick out and make their favorite food and ch4rm even offered to help cook AND clean up! In return, as long as the yelling-at-the-tv stays to a minimum I will have the game on upstairs for the pleasure and enjoyment of my male guests. And what will the kids and I do: maybe a movie marathon? Maybe art stations? Cookie-making and decorating?
It is not what I thought I'd be doing (and likely ch4rm is a little surprised himself) but like Winter, I can make my life more peaceful by accepting the forces stronger than I which I cannot control. I feel that as soon as I do, I will be able to see the beauty in what I actually HAVE instead of wanting what I cannot have anyway.
...I don't have to like the cold, though. No amount of zen can make me LIKE the feelings left in the wake of empty desires. All that a small and very good girl can do, in the midsts of those dark winter months... is plan for a cruise. ;)
*The first week, ch4rm is taking the babies and they are all going to Disneyworld, yes DISNEYWORLD for 10 days. AH, what fun they'll have!!! What a wonderful Fall break for the babies, eh?! I'm glad ch4rm is so generous to them, and loves the kids (and Disney!) enough to spend that kind of money and time on them.