daddy's got a brand new BANG and he's gonna give it all to you.
so lately, it's been highs and lows and days seem to drag slowly through. i've noticed that i am becoming terrified of the future and more than usual. i found myself looking at colleges today and as ready as i am to go, even as an upcoming junior, it just seems unreal. i have no idea whatsoever of what i could possibly desire to do, nor what college i'd want to go to. sure, i would love to go to appalachian; not too close, not too far, AND it's somewhat a moderate/cool climate (snow). however, there's not much to do up there and from being stuck in gastonia for about five years now i am a little ready for more. i checked out unc wilmington since i had heard haley had thought about going there and caleb also mentioned he was going to visit it today. it seems like an amazing place and they have an excellent program for creative writing. i have no clue what to do and i know i'll change my mind a thousand times before i decide, but i thought i'd look into it.
my mom mentioned this morning that this summer is flying by fast. i can't say that i haven't noticed it too. i just try not to because, in a way, i'm ready for it to never end. i'm not prepared for school yet, i'm just not. actually, it makes me a bit nauseous thinking about it. you know why it makes me sick? there is a bomb in the bottom of my intestines that triggers every time the thought that each day is another closer to your departure. i know, i know.. live each day as if it were your last, but sometimes you just have to let these things hit you. who knows where we will be a year from now or if we will even be "we." all i know is that i haven't loved anything or anyone like this in a long time. however, this pain that continues to play a game of jab and stab at my heart each day that i'm reminded that you're not here sometimes eats me up inside. there's nothing like what we have and i know it's only a matter of time, so don't mind my rants and raves about the time apart because they're senseless and spur of the moment thoughts that only stem from one thing and one thing only.. the depths of which i love such another amazing human being and how much i miss your bones beside of me.
my mom mentioned this morning that this summer is flying by fast. i can't say that i haven't noticed it too. i just try not to because, in a way, i'm ready for it to never end. i'm not prepared for school yet, i'm just not. actually, it makes me a bit nauseous thinking about it. you know why it makes me sick? there is a bomb in the bottom of my intestines that triggers every time the thought that each day is another closer to your departure. i know, i know.. live each day as if it were your last, but sometimes you just have to let these things hit you. who knows where we will be a year from now or if we will even be "we." all i know is that i haven't loved anything or anyone like this in a long time. however, this pain that continues to play a game of jab and stab at my heart each day that i'm reminded that you're not here sometimes eats me up inside. there's nothing like what we have and i know it's only a matter of time, so don't mind my rants and raves about the time apart because they're senseless and spur of the moment thoughts that only stem from one thing and one thing only.. the depths of which i love such another amazing human being and how much i miss your bones beside of me.