Did I honestly think things would be perfect? Ha.
What a fucking joke this weekend was. Like, honestly. Who was I kidding when I thought it was going to be the "best weekend" ever? Ha ha ha. Yeah fucking right. Good one, Rachel.
So yeah, we DID hang out on Friday and go to the movies. We did see eachother. But for what, 2 hours? Big freaking deal. It was as though it was our first time hanging out alone and we'd never even done anything before. It was like we were.....*cringe* friends. We didn't hold hands [yeah, it's cliche but I love holding hands. So sue me.] We didn't even act like we used to before he left. Everything was different. Everything changed. And I hate it.
When we left, I got a hug. Just a hug. So he told me he liked my hair and that it was cute, big whoop. At first, I thought everything would be the same, but it never progressed. It stayed the same. And I hate that. I hate the fact he left and everything changed. I hate the fact that he's moved on and forgotten about me. I hate the fact that I miss him unconditionally and he doesn't give 2 flying fucks about me. None. Not one.
So, he said we could hang out tomorrow. Did we? No. I understand he was hanging out with his mom and brother, but he could've called me and had the decency to let me know instead of me sitting around to wonder what the hell was going on. SO I called him and found out where he was and what he was doing. He was going to his brother's show. I thought he MIGHT invite me to come along, but nah. No invite. Cool. I respect that. He probably wanted to meet up with his buddies, so whatever. It gave me room to hang out with Kimmy, so that's okay. I also hung out with Ashley so I'm fine with that. To an extent. So we decided we might hang out today.
Did we? Noo, of course not. He was leaving early, and had "crap to do." I don't understand. If he didn't want to hang out with me, then why tell me he would? To tell me what I wanted to hear? Yeah, that's it. So I told him that and he got offended and started freaking out on me. BUt you know what? I don't give a shit. Not anymore. I'm giving up on this, because it's killing me. But I can't give up... he's so worth this fight... even through rough shit like this, he's worth it because in prosperous moment, everything's so amazing.
I don't WANT to give up. I don't WANT to move on. But do I need to?
I've put myself out there, everything and gotten nothing back in return. Not a single thing. I've given my soul to him and he's taken it and done nothing. He's broken my heart. I don't know what to do ... I don't know what to say.... I thought he was different, and I thought things with us were so perfect, and would stay this way. How was I so wrong? Am I wrong? He can't be like everyone else... he's GOTTA be different.
His info has a subliminal message spelling out "I miss you" and I wonder who it's to... because he didn't once say that to me this weekend. =/ God. He's killing me.
I cried today and wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't because I realized how stupid it was. I want to move on but I can't out of fear of him coming back to me....... I know it might be a long shot, but there's a chance. And it's a chance I'm willing to take.
....I just dont know how long I can take this. =/
So yeah, we DID hang out on Friday and go to the movies. We did see eachother. But for what, 2 hours? Big freaking deal. It was as though it was our first time hanging out alone and we'd never even done anything before. It was like we were.....*cringe* friends. We didn't hold hands [yeah, it's cliche but I love holding hands. So sue me.] We didn't even act like we used to before he left. Everything was different. Everything changed. And I hate it.
When we left, I got a hug. Just a hug. So he told me he liked my hair and that it was cute, big whoop. At first, I thought everything would be the same, but it never progressed. It stayed the same. And I hate that. I hate the fact he left and everything changed. I hate the fact that he's moved on and forgotten about me. I hate the fact that I miss him unconditionally and he doesn't give 2 flying fucks about me. None. Not one.
So, he said we could hang out tomorrow. Did we? No. I understand he was hanging out with his mom and brother, but he could've called me and had the decency to let me know instead of me sitting around to wonder what the hell was going on. SO I called him and found out where he was and what he was doing. He was going to his brother's show. I thought he MIGHT invite me to come along, but nah. No invite. Cool. I respect that. He probably wanted to meet up with his buddies, so whatever. It gave me room to hang out with Kimmy, so that's okay. I also hung out with Ashley so I'm fine with that. To an extent. So we decided we might hang out today.
Did we? Noo, of course not. He was leaving early, and had "crap to do." I don't understand. If he didn't want to hang out with me, then why tell me he would? To tell me what I wanted to hear? Yeah, that's it. So I told him that and he got offended and started freaking out on me. BUt you know what? I don't give a shit. Not anymore. I'm giving up on this, because it's killing me. But I can't give up... he's so worth this fight... even through rough shit like this, he's worth it because in prosperous moment, everything's so amazing.
I don't WANT to give up. I don't WANT to move on. But do I need to?
I've put myself out there, everything and gotten nothing back in return. Not a single thing. I've given my soul to him and he's taken it and done nothing. He's broken my heart. I don't know what to do ... I don't know what to say.... I thought he was different, and I thought things with us were so perfect, and would stay this way. How was I so wrong? Am I wrong? He can't be like everyone else... he's GOTTA be different.
His info has a subliminal message spelling out "I miss you" and I wonder who it's to... because he didn't once say that to me this weekend. =/ God. He's killing me.
I cried today and wanted to hurt myself, but I didn't because I realized how stupid it was. I want to move on but I can't out of fear of him coming back to me....... I know it might be a long shot, but there's a chance. And it's a chance I'm willing to take.
....I just dont know how long I can take this. =/