Second Chance
Right now I am at the hospital with no desire to go to sleep even though I know that I am running on empty. Earlier in the evening, I was able to dose for a little bit anytime Jim settled down, but no matter what kinds or amounts of meds that they were giving him for his pain, the longest amount of time he was still was no more than 40 mins. Once the meds wore off, he would start to get restless and then extremely agitated especially if he didn't have me in his sight upon waking. I don't think that he is convinced that I am fine physically, that I wasn't hurt in anyway. I am not really sure how much of the attack on him that he actually remembers. I do know that he is having some pretty bad nightmares because the last time that he woke up, he had to be restrained by a handful of nurses. I was also asked to leave them to resolve this which was fine by me because right now I am not really able to see Jim in any sort of pain or distress.
What an awful place the Critical Care Unit can be. While I was typing this, a lady about my age came over to ask me how to get back into see her husband so we started talking. She was about my age with two daughters about Sara and Katie's age and she has been with her husband 28 years, the same as Jim and I. Her husband was in a bad motorcycle accident earlier tonight and was air lifted in from Owen Sound. He's not going to make it. He wasn't as lucky as Jim. I feel awful for her and her family. I sort of know how she feels. When they were giving Jim last rights last night I felt such a complete and utter emptiness thinking that he soon might be gone that I couldn't even begin to describe it. I feel so very blessed that he is pulling through because we now will have a second chance.