These Boots Were Made For Walking.
One of the habits or traits or characteristics that I've acquired since cleaning up and getting out of debt is a new found love of shopping for myself. Sometimes I can be insatiable but not in I've maxed my credit cards to the limit and am hiding from their reminder phone calls way, just in the sheer thrill of being able to afford something nice and new kind of way. I spent so long depriving myself of these simple pleasures because any of my available funds were being channeled elsewhere and that elsewhere was certainly not for the latest pair of low rise jeans. In hindsight, I am appalled at myself. At no other time of my life would I have allowed myself to wear the same solitary shoes for three yeas straight except during my years of heavy and active addiction.
I think part of the reason that I've managed to buy twelve new pairs of shoes since I started my new job this past May has been a reminder of where I am now in relation to where I was then. It is a form of validation for me for some reason, and something very concrete and tangible that is necessary currently. To be honest, I've never actually had this many shoes since I was at university and certainly not since I became a parent but still...While I'm on the subject, I've also managed to buy eight new pairs of pants, seven pairs of jeans, six blouses, three sweaters, eight t shirts and seven tank tops. Quite a lot.
Kind of like a completely new wardrobe. Which in a way it is...a completely new wardrobe. I haven't been entirely frivolous. Many of these purchases were made out of necessity. As many MMT patients can confirm, one of the many possible side effects of methadone can be an increase in weight. I most certainly started to notice a change in my body about five months into the program and since that initial weight gain of about twenty pounds, nothing has managed to make this extra weight budge. I've tried carefully watching what I eat because I know it is easy to increase your junk food intake on methadone and still nothing changes. I'm certainly more active now since going back to work. I know breaking my arm last year resulted in me becoming way more sedentary than I would have liked and it seems that I am still paying the price of this.
In my entire life, I've never actually been on a diet and even with this added weight I still don't feel too inclined to start now. I mean its not as if I am some huge beached whale either. I am a size ten which admittedly is not a size one but then I've never been that size in my entire life either. It's just that I've also never been a size ten which meant that I didn't have any clothes that would fit me at this size, hence, another valid reason for satisfying my new urge to shop!
I must take this time to clarify a few things about my shopping also. Anything I have bought has been on sale and I mean reduced at least 75% on sale. Today I purchased six items and except for one of the sweaters which originally retailed for $39.99, the other five originally cost $49.99 each but I only payed a total of $31.80 tax included for these six items. So I am also a savvy shopped. Most of the thrill so far has been getting a killer, can't beat it anywhere else deal.
Plus I'm not the only one benefiting from all of this either. Both of the girls have had their bedroom entirely redecorated with new curtains, new comforters, new bedding, etc. as well as having their bathroom redone entirely!
More than anything else this is a reminder of where I never, ever want to find myself or my family again. Back then it was so easy to rationalize and convince myself that having a dozen pairs of shoes was positively wasteful and nothing more than empty, conspicuous consumption when in reality it simply illustrated how badly this addiction had actually gotten.
