Missing home.
Livejournal seems to always been that one place of solace for me--at least, when I need to post away from the northwest vicinity of Indiana.
So much shit has happened, and I wish I could fix it up with duct tape and just call it a day. But things have never been that easy, it's always been an up and down road since the damn tape never holds for long.
I'm so tired of temporary resolutions--they're like vegetable to my gasoline tank.
We've lost a room mate, but thankfully so. He has a magnetic personality, aspiring talent, but some damn nasty habits that I rather not be around. But since we now lack this one room mate, we also lack 1/4 of our rent--so we seemed caught in a bind until Larry moved in with us.
Larry is an alright guy, avvid holder of games and your good ole' final fantasy buff. But after taking Nate's spot for just a mere five days, he left. Yeah, he had everything moved in, and suddenly, he went poof. My feelings are truly mixed up as to why he chose to leave--it seems to me that it was his combination of responsibility and self indulgence.
So now, it's just me, Nick, and Ryan--fending for ourselves.
I've tried so hard now to convince Ryan to move to florida--but it's completely and entirely to no avail. His reasons are strong, and well thought out, but it always breaks my heart to hear them.
"It's too expensive to live out there."
"I don't want to live in your mom's house until we 'get jobs and save up for an apartment."
I hate this whole wheeling and dealing bullshit, I despise the fact that I can't get what I want. I feel just like a spoiled brat for saying it...
I have so much crap to do-- I almost don't want to list them.
I do it too freakin often.
All I can say is that I'm willing to do anything to achieve my goals; lay down wads of my minimum wage, break my back, walk 20 miles, face violent people, and dark nights alone--but this is just what everyone has to do in life, this shit is normal routine.
But that's the thing, it's normal.
If I'm not gaining anything, I'm just surviving, just being normal--basic. I'm doing the same shit as my predeccessors. (sp?)
It really is a dog eat dog world out there, and all I'm doing right now is just guarding all the mutts off my ass, that is until I can find a route up to the top.
I hope I can.
So much shit has happened, and I wish I could fix it up with duct tape and just call it a day. But things have never been that easy, it's always been an up and down road since the damn tape never holds for long.
I'm so tired of temporary resolutions--they're like vegetable to my gasoline tank.
We've lost a room mate, but thankfully so. He has a magnetic personality, aspiring talent, but some damn nasty habits that I rather not be around. But since we now lack this one room mate, we also lack 1/4 of our rent--so we seemed caught in a bind until Larry moved in with us.
Larry is an alright guy, avvid holder of games and your good ole' final fantasy buff. But after taking Nate's spot for just a mere five days, he left. Yeah, he had everything moved in, and suddenly, he went poof. My feelings are truly mixed up as to why he chose to leave--it seems to me that it was his combination of responsibility and self indulgence.
So now, it's just me, Nick, and Ryan--fending for ourselves.
I've tried so hard now to convince Ryan to move to florida--but it's completely and entirely to no avail. His reasons are strong, and well thought out, but it always breaks my heart to hear them.
"It's too expensive to live out there."
"I don't want to live in your mom's house until we 'get jobs and save up for an apartment."
I hate this whole wheeling and dealing bullshit, I despise the fact that I can't get what I want. I feel just like a spoiled brat for saying it...
I have so much crap to do-- I almost don't want to list them.
I do it too freakin often.
All I can say is that I'm willing to do anything to achieve my goals; lay down wads of my minimum wage, break my back, walk 20 miles, face violent people, and dark nights alone--but this is just what everyone has to do in life, this shit is normal routine.
But that's the thing, it's normal.
If I'm not gaining anything, I'm just surviving, just being normal--basic. I'm doing the same shit as my predeccessors. (sp?)
It really is a dog eat dog world out there, and all I'm doing right now is just guarding all the mutts off my ass, that is until I can find a route up to the top.
I hope I can.